This morning while I was having breakfast with Jack and Mutti, Kathy had gone to her morning meeting so it was just the three of us, Jack and I were having a nice conversation. I was sharing with him about my family of origin and he was sharing with me about his family of origin. It was an interesting conversation we were having together at the breakfast table. Mutti was just sitting there across from me smiling the whole time. I am not sure she knew what we were talking about. It was the first time that Jack and I actually talked in detail about our families or that we even really had a real conversation together about anything. Afterward he said it was nice getting to know me a bit better as it was good getting to know him a bit better. He also said that he enjoys watching how Kathy and I interact with eachother. He said it does his heart good to see us together. That was a huge statement for me to hear from him. It also does my heart good to see how well he treats Mutti. It is kinda nice being able to be open to new experiences and to put disagreements aside for moments in life.
The whole time that Jack and I were talking I was thinking to myself, what and who does make a family? For all intents and purposes the four of us make a family simply because we spend alot of time together and we are all in it for the long haul with Mutti so to speak. All the decisions that are made and all the family moments are spent together with Jack being a huge part of it. Part of our discussion this morning had to do with Mutti and how we are going to make equal time for him with her. He made the comment she is the only one for me as he reached over and touched her nose. No matter what feelings I have toward Jack or what disagreements we have between us the fact remains that he is a part of this family, our family.
So what makes a family is simply Love and Commitment toward one another. That is what it comes down to whether you are a same-sex couple either raising a child(ren) or just a loving committed same sex couple or a heterosexual couple either raising a child(ren) or just a loving committed heterosexual couple or even a group of people not related by blood line yet love and are committed to the well being of one another that is what makes a family. I don't care what anyone says....families are so important. To me the definition of family is LOVE and COMMITMENT.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Happy New Year and Love to ALL!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
CHRISTMAS MEMORIES
This afternoon I attended a ministerial committee meeting at my church the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Raleigh {UUFR}. The assistant minister John asked us to share a Christmas memory before the meeting got started. There are 6 of us on this committee and all 5 shared a childhood Christmas memory and for the life of me I could not remember one. I don't know if it is because I have blocked them out because my Mom and I are estranged at this time or if I simply couldn't remember one. I shared my memories that I have now of Christmas with my wife Kathy and her family. Her family makes Christmas so special and old fashioned. That is what I want to do with this blog post share what our Christmas is like. It just feels right for me to do this.
The first Christmas that Kathy and I were together she made me a Christmas stocking. Everyone in the family has a homemade stocking with something special sewn on it. My stocking is red and has my name in big blue letters at the top along with white stars and the stitching in blue that reads Are The Stars Out Tonight?. This has significance because that was our commitment ceremony theme. They began after Thanksgiving reading the Staves of The Christmas Carol. The one with the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. The story of Scooge. Then out came the board games. There are 5 Staves to read and the last one is read on Christmas Eve. Also they lit the four candles for each Stave and the middle candle is lit on Christmas Eve. The candles are placed in the middle of a huge green wreath and the tapioca pudding is made the morning of the readings along with chex mix and popcorn. It is such a great tradition.
A few Christmas Eves went by before I spent one with Kathy's family. Mine were usually spent in Southern Pines with my Mom and Step Father mostly upstairs alone wrapping my Mother's Christmas gifts from my step father. Sometimes we would go visit family or go to the Christmas Eve service at their church or attend an AA meeting but mostly that didn't happen for the last few years that I went in Southern Pines. One year my Mom was sick so I spent Christmas Eve here with Kathy's family. It was fantastic! That was the beginning of spending Christmas Eve with Kathy's family. It is definitely my favorite holiday day. Kathy's sister Barb makes the BEST chili ever and they also have oyster stew along with the tapioca pudding and chex mix. The middle candle is lit and the Stave 5 reading is read. Then everyone's stockings are placed on the bed and each person comes into the bedroom alone and fills the stockings with stocking suffers. I remember the first Christmas Eve I spent with Kathy's family it was like going back in time. I Loved It and I have Loved it ever since. There is laughter and joy. Story telling of Christmases past. It is a beautiful thing!
Christmas mornings are spent opening presents with the family but first we open our gifts here at our house. We have coffee and orange cinnamon buns with Ashley. Then we join the rest of the family. The last few years we have gone to The Heritage to be with Mutti but last year and this year we have joined the family at Barbs house. The gift opening begins with the youngest and goes to the oldest down the family line. It is fun. The menu is decided at the Stave 4 reading. This year the menu will be ham with baked potatoes and veggies along with tapioca pudding.
My sweet cherished Christmas memories seem to have begun when I met Kathy and her family. The feeling of tradition and relaxed fun is what Christmas is all about and that is what I have now. We no longer do the board games because Mutti is not able to do so. Which is sad in and of itself. I feel blessed and I am blessed.
These are my Christmas thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
The first Christmas that Kathy and I were together she made me a Christmas stocking. Everyone in the family has a homemade stocking with something special sewn on it. My stocking is red and has my name in big blue letters at the top along with white stars and the stitching in blue that reads Are The Stars Out Tonight?. This has significance because that was our commitment ceremony theme. They began after Thanksgiving reading the Staves of The Christmas Carol. The one with the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. The story of Scooge. Then out came the board games. There are 5 Staves to read and the last one is read on Christmas Eve. Also they lit the four candles for each Stave and the middle candle is lit on Christmas Eve. The candles are placed in the middle of a huge green wreath and the tapioca pudding is made the morning of the readings along with chex mix and popcorn. It is such a great tradition.
A few Christmas Eves went by before I spent one with Kathy's family. Mine were usually spent in Southern Pines with my Mom and Step Father mostly upstairs alone wrapping my Mother's Christmas gifts from my step father. Sometimes we would go visit family or go to the Christmas Eve service at their church or attend an AA meeting but mostly that didn't happen for the last few years that I went in Southern Pines. One year my Mom was sick so I spent Christmas Eve here with Kathy's family. It was fantastic! That was the beginning of spending Christmas Eve with Kathy's family. It is definitely my favorite holiday day. Kathy's sister Barb makes the BEST chili ever and they also have oyster stew along with the tapioca pudding and chex mix. The middle candle is lit and the Stave 5 reading is read. Then everyone's stockings are placed on the bed and each person comes into the bedroom alone and fills the stockings with stocking suffers. I remember the first Christmas Eve I spent with Kathy's family it was like going back in time. I Loved It and I have Loved it ever since. There is laughter and joy. Story telling of Christmases past. It is a beautiful thing!
Christmas mornings are spent opening presents with the family but first we open our gifts here at our house. We have coffee and orange cinnamon buns with Ashley. Then we join the rest of the family. The last few years we have gone to The Heritage to be with Mutti but last year and this year we have joined the family at Barbs house. The gift opening begins with the youngest and goes to the oldest down the family line. It is fun. The menu is decided at the Stave 4 reading. This year the menu will be ham with baked potatoes and veggies along with tapioca pudding.
My sweet cherished Christmas memories seem to have begun when I met Kathy and her family. The feeling of tradition and relaxed fun is what Christmas is all about and that is what I have now. We no longer do the board games because Mutti is not able to do so. Which is sad in and of itself. I feel blessed and I am blessed.
These are my Christmas thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Help ~ Frankie Mae
This afternoon my wife Kathy and I went to see The Help at the buck 50 movie which is now the 2 buck movie. Both of us read the book a while ago. But after seeing the movie this afternoon it really got me to thinking about a certain and a special woman of color from my childhood named Frankie Mae. The movie did the book justice even though there was NO justice back in the day for The Help.
The book and the movie reminded me of and brought back memories of when I was a child living and growing up in the South back in the 60's. Frankie Mae was both a maid to my grandparents and a nanny to me. My Mom was a single mother and we lived with my grandparents at the time. In fact, Frankie Mae practically raised me from a baby. My Mom worked quite a bit and since Frankie Mae was there she took care of me.
The memories that I have of Frankie Mae are sweet and loving memories. She was an excellent southern cook and so soft spoken to me. She and my grandfather would always have deep and sometimes very loud discussions about religion and politics. Maybe that is where I get my deep and loud passion for politics from. Anyway, Frankie Mae had 2 sons that were around the same age as me. When I was grown I found out that we went to different schools. Because at that time, in the late 60's early 70's the schools were segregated. Later when the schools became unsegregated and we went across the bridge to the black section of town I met Frankie Mae's sons.
The town where I grew up was separated by a bridge. On one side of the bridge lived the white folk and on the other side of the bridge lived the black folk. The conditions were not the best on the black side of the bridge. That is where the projects and the low housing sections were located. My grandfather was an electrician and he did alot of work for the black community. Once when I went with him on a job it was for a poor black family that had no money but they did have plenty of puppies so for payment he asked if I could pick out a puppy. That is how I got my first puppy.
When Frankie Mae died it was a sad time for all of us. She was a good and kind woman. My grandparents along with Mom and I went to her home for the wake. I remember talking with her sons outside and hugging them when we left. I can't help but wonder where are they today. I don't even remember Frankie Mae's last name or if I ever knew it. But I do remember how special and warm her hugs and her smile were for me.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
The book and the movie reminded me of and brought back memories of when I was a child living and growing up in the South back in the 60's. Frankie Mae was both a maid to my grandparents and a nanny to me. My Mom was a single mother and we lived with my grandparents at the time. In fact, Frankie Mae practically raised me from a baby. My Mom worked quite a bit and since Frankie Mae was there she took care of me.
The memories that I have of Frankie Mae are sweet and loving memories. She was an excellent southern cook and so soft spoken to me. She and my grandfather would always have deep and sometimes very loud discussions about religion and politics. Maybe that is where I get my deep and loud passion for politics from. Anyway, Frankie Mae had 2 sons that were around the same age as me. When I was grown I found out that we went to different schools. Because at that time, in the late 60's early 70's the schools were segregated. Later when the schools became unsegregated and we went across the bridge to the black section of town I met Frankie Mae's sons.
The town where I grew up was separated by a bridge. On one side of the bridge lived the white folk and on the other side of the bridge lived the black folk. The conditions were not the best on the black side of the bridge. That is where the projects and the low housing sections were located. My grandfather was an electrician and he did alot of work for the black community. Once when I went with him on a job it was for a poor black family that had no money but they did have plenty of puppies so for payment he asked if I could pick out a puppy. That is how I got my first puppy.
When Frankie Mae died it was a sad time for all of us. She was a good and kind woman. My grandparents along with Mom and I went to her home for the wake. I remember talking with her sons outside and hugging them when we left. I can't help but wonder where are they today. I don't even remember Frankie Mae's last name or if I ever knew it. But I do remember how special and warm her hugs and her smile were for me.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
A MAN CALLED JACK
The man called Jack that I am referring to is Mutti's six foot tall 89 year old boyfriend. He is a good and honorable man. They met almost 5 years ago when they both were living at The Heritage. They became an item right quick and have maintained their itemness even though Mutti is no longer living at The Heritage. As most of you know she is living with her daughter my wife Kathy and I at this time and has been for the last month or so. Jack has frequent stay overs at our home. At times it can be quite a shift in zen ness for the two of us and our home. However it is important to note and for us to know that it ain't all about us!
Jack is one of the few old school men left in this world of ours. He is loyal and takes his "duty" that he feels he has to Mutti to heart. For an example this morning at breakfast Jack was talking about Mutti's meds and I made the comment "Don't worry Jack we got it under control" his comment back to me was "I realize that the two of you ladies are really busy so I feel it is my "duty" to make sure she has her medications and to take care of her." This is something that he has done for her for almost 5 years now so he is continuing to do this for his love Mutti.
Another example is last night we had friends coming over for a potluck and fellowship so we took Mutti over to The Heritage where Jack is living now a bit earlier than we had planned. His comment to us was to make sure that she wears her heavy warm coat because we are going for a long walk before dinner. The rest of the evening plans were to go out for Chinese instead of eating at The Heritage like they always do. Then they were having Christmas entertainment at The Heritage later that evening. So he had their "date night" all planned out.
Jack is a man of few words and he is also a man of straight forward to the point statement man. He does have a bit of a sense of humor all be it reserved at times. We have definitely broadened his horizons from his Catholic up bringing. We have him attending our Unitarian Universalist Fellowship church and liking it for the most part. The different traditions that our family has as far as Christmas and other holidays is quite different than his conservative ways from the past. He is open to new adventures and thought provokeness that we bring to him. He takes it all in stride and responds with questions and comments.
We installed a land line again using a devise called magic Jack so the two of them can talk on the phone together because Mutti has trouble hearing on the cell phone. The phone also has a audio boost button so that Mutti can hear better and clearer. So when Jack called earlier in the day yesterday I overheard him as she answered "Hello sweetheart how are you this morning." in such a sweet and clear voice. He treats her with respect and loving tender care. There is nothing more that we could ask for in a loving partner for Mutti than Jack.
So This Man Called Jack is a good honorable man and mate for our Mutti.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Jack is one of the few old school men left in this world of ours. He is loyal and takes his "duty" that he feels he has to Mutti to heart. For an example this morning at breakfast Jack was talking about Mutti's meds and I made the comment "Don't worry Jack we got it under control" his comment back to me was "I realize that the two of you ladies are really busy so I feel it is my "duty" to make sure she has her medications and to take care of her." This is something that he has done for her for almost 5 years now so he is continuing to do this for his love Mutti.
Another example is last night we had friends coming over for a potluck and fellowship so we took Mutti over to The Heritage where Jack is living now a bit earlier than we had planned. His comment to us was to make sure that she wears her heavy warm coat because we are going for a long walk before dinner. The rest of the evening plans were to go out for Chinese instead of eating at The Heritage like they always do. Then they were having Christmas entertainment at The Heritage later that evening. So he had their "date night" all planned out.
Jack is a man of few words and he is also a man of straight forward to the point statement man. He does have a bit of a sense of humor all be it reserved at times. We have definitely broadened his horizons from his Catholic up bringing. We have him attending our Unitarian Universalist Fellowship church and liking it for the most part. The different traditions that our family has as far as Christmas and other holidays is quite different than his conservative ways from the past. He is open to new adventures and thought provokeness that we bring to him. He takes it all in stride and responds with questions and comments.
We installed a land line again using a devise called magic Jack so the two of them can talk on the phone together because Mutti has trouble hearing on the cell phone. The phone also has a audio boost button so that Mutti can hear better and clearer. So when Jack called earlier in the day yesterday I overheard him as she answered "Hello sweetheart how are you this morning." in such a sweet and clear voice. He treats her with respect and loving tender care. There is nothing more that we could ask for in a loving partner for Mutti than Jack.
So This Man Called Jack is a good honorable man and mate for our Mutti.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
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