It's amazing to me just how many friends I do have today. I have always been the one to say, Hey I've got your back. Never realizing just how many people have my back. Sometimes we are so focused on what we don't have that we loose sight of what we do have.
There are many of my friends going through rough times right now. Breakups, Mental stress, Physical pain and Family issues just to name a few. Living life on lives terms is not an easy place to be sometimes. As many of you know I have been going through a really hard time with my Mom. We have been estranged now for 5 years, her choice not mine. Recently I got word that she is slipping mentally and with us being estranged it makes it even harder for me to comprehend that I can't spend time with her or I should say that she doesn't want me in her life.
The friends that I have are very supportive. My wife Kathy and My aunt Shirley are two of my biggest supporters. In fact, without them "having my back" and supporting me through this there is no telling where I would be right now especially after finding out about my mother's condition. Life is full of twist and turns. One day everything is A Okay and the next minute things are chaotic. The one thing for all of us to remember is that things can change on a dime so be prepared to reach out and let people in. Sometimes that's all we have to survive Life on Lives Terms. Let someone Have Your Back and you Have Someone elses back. That's how we survive!
These are my Thoughts and Feelings From Jillsville.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Monday, June 22, 2015
IT"S PAST TIME
It's past time for some gun control in this country of ours. When are people going to wake up and realize that this isn't a good thing for our country. Innocent people, children, are dying because of the gun happy people we have in this country of ours. Yes I have used the word country alot because that's what I am talking about. Out of control guns and gun ownership in our country!
The NRA has gotten out of control for one thing. It is beyond my comprehension how any human could not be touched in some way by this tragic occurrence in Charleston SC and the horrible tragedy in Newtown. This is just one example of what I mean: "National Rifle Association board member Charles Cotton blamed Clementa Pinckney, a state senator and pastor at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, for his own death and for the death of his parishioners in Charleston this week, Thinkprogress reports. " Where is this man's moral compass?! Blame everyone and everything except the homegrown Terrorist Thug and the gun he was using! It's not the same NRA that it was back in the day. Now it is a Political Powerhouse! It's time to take them down!!
It is my opinion the ONLY reason to have a gun is that you intend on killing someone or something. Think about it. Some people say they get a gun for protection...well if someone tries to hurt you what are you going to do...shoot them. Some people say they get a gun for target practice...well when you do shoot at targets what are you doing...executing a shoot to kill tactic. Some people say I got a gun to shoot skeet...well what are doing when you shoot those skeet..yep a shoot to kill tactic. Some people say they get a gun to go hunting...well when you go hunting what do you do...shoot and kill an animal. Violence and destruction and guns go together!
I will never forget the comment made by Wayne LaPierre Executive VP of the NRA after the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting in Newtown Connecticut almost 3 years ago when he had a press converence. Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandy_Hook_Elementary_School_shooting
"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun, Is a good guy with a gun." More guns that is NOT the answer. The sad thing about that is that so many people agreed with him because the gun sales rose!!
It seems the only time people get all riled up about gun control is when a tragedy happens. My thoughts are that if nothing happened when our children of Newtown were massacred then nothing will ever happen to curve this country's need for guns!! What does this say about our country? It says plenty.
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville
I dedicate this blog to all those that have lost their lives to gun violence at the hands of a homegrown Terrorist Thug(s) Rest In Peace
The NRA has gotten out of control for one thing. It is beyond my comprehension how any human could not be touched in some way by this tragic occurrence in Charleston SC and the horrible tragedy in Newtown. This is just one example of what I mean: "National Rifle Association board member Charles Cotton blamed Clementa Pinckney, a state senator and pastor at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, for his own death and for the death of his parishioners in Charleston this week, Thinkprogress reports. " Where is this man's moral compass?! Blame everyone and everything except the homegrown Terrorist Thug and the gun he was using! It's not the same NRA that it was back in the day. Now it is a Political Powerhouse! It's time to take them down!!
It is my opinion the ONLY reason to have a gun is that you intend on killing someone or something. Think about it. Some people say they get a gun for protection...well if someone tries to hurt you what are you going to do...shoot them. Some people say they get a gun for target practice...well when you do shoot at targets what are you doing...executing a shoot to kill tactic. Some people say I got a gun to shoot skeet...well what are doing when you shoot those skeet..yep a shoot to kill tactic. Some people say they get a gun to go hunting...well when you go hunting what do you do...shoot and kill an animal. Violence and destruction and guns go together!
I will never forget the comment made by Wayne LaPierre Executive VP of the NRA after the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting in Newtown Connecticut almost 3 years ago when he had a press converence. Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandy_Hook_Elementary_School_shooting
"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun, Is a good guy with a gun." More guns that is NOT the answer. The sad thing about that is that so many people agreed with him because the gun sales rose!!
It seems the only time people get all riled up about gun control is when a tragedy happens. My thoughts are that if nothing happened when our children of Newtown were massacred then nothing will ever happen to curve this country's need for guns!! What does this say about our country? It says plenty.
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville
I dedicate this blog to all those that have lost their lives to gun violence at the hands of a homegrown Terrorist Thug(s) Rest In Peace
Friday, June 12, 2015
SOMETHING GOIN ON ROUND HERE
Here are the headlines in North Carolina: Republican-led NCGA overturns SB2 Veto, thereby allowing civil magistrates and register-of-deeds to "opt out" of addressing marriages they personally disagree with. #SB2 #NCGA #stopSB2#NCpol. Tell me how is this legal? And how are they (GOP Led N.C. General Assembly) able to get away with breaking the constitution and the law? This is only part of the shenanigan's that these conservatives are getting away with here in my Native North Carolina. The veto part of this is that our Conservative Governor Pat McCrory vetoed this bill not allowing magistrates to break the law. Then wouldn't you know it, his cohorts overrode his veto. Like Pat didn't know that this was going to happen.
Why is it that these conservatives find it necessary to harass a small minority of people instead of fixing things that are broken in our state? Namely roads and unemployment. Granted this is nothing like the civil rights of African American's back in the 60's and in our history. The violence that took place is certainly nothing like this minority bashing. But at the same time it is still taking basic rights away from a small minority group of individuals. When are people going to get mad and take a stand! We do have our Moral Monday Movement and we do have NAACP on our side with Dr. William Barber. It is almost as if we take 2 step forward only to take 3 steps back with this NCGA ( North Carolina General Assembly) or and don't forget the GOP led.
This conservative NCGA is also getting into Women's Rights to bare children or not to bare children. Yes Abortion or lack there of! I have always felt that it is NONE of MY business what a woman does with or to her body. If she wants or even needs an Abortion it is NONE of MY business just as it is NONE of the NCGA's business!! Yes another broken promise of Pat McCrory's. He said he would never interfere with Women's Rights. Well he has.
Why can't these conservatives just leave the LGBT community and Women Alone! Deal with the things that matter most. Not family but roads and unemployment. My hope is that people will wake up and see that this is just hurting this state!!
Yep there is most definitely Something Goin On Round Here!
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville.
Why is it that these conservatives find it necessary to harass a small minority of people instead of fixing things that are broken in our state? Namely roads and unemployment. Granted this is nothing like the civil rights of African American's back in the 60's and in our history. The violence that took place is certainly nothing like this minority bashing. But at the same time it is still taking basic rights away from a small minority group of individuals. When are people going to get mad and take a stand! We do have our Moral Monday Movement and we do have NAACP on our side with Dr. William Barber. It is almost as if we take 2 step forward only to take 3 steps back with this NCGA ( North Carolina General Assembly) or and don't forget the GOP led.
This conservative NCGA is also getting into Women's Rights to bare children or not to bare children. Yes Abortion or lack there of! I have always felt that it is NONE of MY business what a woman does with or to her body. If she wants or even needs an Abortion it is NONE of MY business just as it is NONE of the NCGA's business!! Yes another broken promise of Pat McCrory's. He said he would never interfere with Women's Rights. Well he has.
Why can't these conservatives just leave the LGBT community and Women Alone! Deal with the things that matter most. Not family but roads and unemployment. My hope is that people will wake up and see that this is just hurting this state!!
Yep there is most definitely Something Goin On Round Here!
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville.
Monday, May 25, 2015
FAMILY HUNGER
Let me begin this blog with a little background. I have a wonderful family in my wife Kathy's family and in my own family. As many of you know I have been estranged from my mother for a few years now, her choice not mine. On my Mom's side I have her sister my Aunt Shirley, who is the mother of my heart, she has been there for me my whole life. I have cousins that love me and that I love back. I was raised by a man that my mother married. It was a wild and crazy childhood some good, some not so good. I didn't want for anything material but I also worked for everything that I got. I met my half brother Todd. We have an on and off relationship. Which I dislike because I have always wanted a brother. All this on my mother's side.
I met my father when I was 23 years old. Even though I knew about him when I was 16 years old. We corresponded for a while then it slowed down then stopped. When I was working in Chapel Hill I had a longing to meet my father so I called him. We made plans and met in Virginia where he lived. I met his family and they met me. He has a son and a daughter. Now I have 2 half bothers and a half sister. I would have liked to have gotten to know them but it just hasn't worked out. My father died and now it seems as though a big part of a hope died with him. I just didn't know how to go about getting to know him. All this on my father's side.
This blog came to my mind because of a Facebook post that my half brother Alan put up today honoring his Dad on Memorial Day. He put on the post with Kristin Kidd and not me. It hurt me because I feel as though I have no immediate family to call my own. I do realize that family is what and who you choose. But for me blood line is important. I have always wanted a kid brother. Here I have a chance to have two or do I?
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville.
I met my father when I was 23 years old. Even though I knew about him when I was 16 years old. We corresponded for a while then it slowed down then stopped. When I was working in Chapel Hill I had a longing to meet my father so I called him. We made plans and met in Virginia where he lived. I met his family and they met me. He has a son and a daughter. Now I have 2 half bothers and a half sister. I would have liked to have gotten to know them but it just hasn't worked out. My father died and now it seems as though a big part of a hope died with him. I just didn't know how to go about getting to know him. All this on my father's side.
This blog came to my mind because of a Facebook post that my half brother Alan put up today honoring his Dad on Memorial Day. He put on the post with Kristin Kidd and not me. It hurt me because I feel as though I have no immediate family to call my own. I do realize that family is what and who you choose. But for me blood line is important. I have always wanted a kid brother. Here I have a chance to have two or do I?
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville.
Monday, April 13, 2015
AGELESS
I often hear the phrase, Age is a state of mine. I sometimes wonder if that is just a way to make it easier to deal with the everyday aches and pains of getting older. My wife Kathy and I are getting up there on the age scale. She is in her mid sixties and I am in my mid 50's. We are both fairly active. With my job, I stand on my feet all day and when in season, she delivers veggie boxes. We both go to the gym. Still some days I have a few aches and pains. I always say getting older isn't for sissies.
When I go to the gym and see these folks with their walkers looking like they're probably in their 70's or 80's working out I think, WOW! I am so impressed with that. Yet here I am complaining about my hip or my back. My Mom always said to me, when I was younger, be careful of your back, don't lift so much, and bend at the legs before lifting. Of course, I never listened and now my back suffers. But not as much as some and not as much as others.
In our household Kathy is what we call the inside girl and I am what we call the outside girl. Meaning she takes care of cleaning and cooking inside the house and I take care of the yard and grilling on the outside of the house. This seems to work for us. Still there are times that I think man I would love to have someone come and mow this yard. But alas, I don't, I do it myself and in the end I love it! My speed at mowing is not as it was when I was young but with my mower all I have to do is guide it...the mower runs itself thank goodness. Shrew...
Now don't get me wrong I do realize that Kathy and I aren't Over The Hill not even Close! Age IS a state of mind and with age does come wisdom. Just the other day I saw this young person on a skate board and I just knew that I sure didn't belong on that skate board. Of course others have to learn the hard way. My grandmother had a saying that she use to say all the time, Live and Learn Die and Forget it All. A wise woman my Grandmother was..
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville.
When I go to the gym and see these folks with their walkers looking like they're probably in their 70's or 80's working out I think, WOW! I am so impressed with that. Yet here I am complaining about my hip or my back. My Mom always said to me, when I was younger, be careful of your back, don't lift so much, and bend at the legs before lifting. Of course, I never listened and now my back suffers. But not as much as some and not as much as others.
In our household Kathy is what we call the inside girl and I am what we call the outside girl. Meaning she takes care of cleaning and cooking inside the house and I take care of the yard and grilling on the outside of the house. This seems to work for us. Still there are times that I think man I would love to have someone come and mow this yard. But alas, I don't, I do it myself and in the end I love it! My speed at mowing is not as it was when I was young but with my mower all I have to do is guide it...the mower runs itself thank goodness. Shrew...
Now don't get me wrong I do realize that Kathy and I aren't Over The Hill not even Close! Age IS a state of mind and with age does come wisdom. Just the other day I saw this young person on a skate board and I just knew that I sure didn't belong on that skate board. Of course others have to learn the hard way. My grandmother had a saying that she use to say all the time, Live and Learn Die and Forget it All. A wise woman my Grandmother was..
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
IT'S COMPLICATED
So many relationships are complicated. The family ones are the ones that are truly the most complicated. The relationship that I want to talk about is the one between Mother and Daughter. In particular mine. It happened 5 years ago. My mother decided she didn't want to have anything to do with me all because of a letter that I wrote to her. This letter was design to open up a dialog between us instead it opened up a wedge. I always thought my Mom and I had the kind of relationship that was open and close. I soon realized that wasn't true much to my surprise and disappointment.
It all started back when I began going to therapy. My therapist was/is fantastic. She would allow me free range with my feelings. Hell she taught me about feelings. I never knew that feelings are different emotions and each one has a name. I know it sounds strange and at the same time nonsense that someone of my age and reasonable intelligence would have a problem with knowing what feelings are but it was true. I never thought about feelings. But boy did my therapist bring them out in me. Thank goodness.
During this time in therapy I began to realize that my childhood was one of complexity in that my feelings didn't really matter and that each emotion that I felt wasn't allowed so I began burying them deeper and deeper until my therapist help me to bring them up to the surface and start to deal with them. That is when I decided that I really needed to write a letter to my Mom expressing those feelings to her. Boy did that backfire on me!! Oh did I mention there is a step-father involved. They were married when I was 8. I call them the roller coaster years..
Shortly after my Mom received the letter from me, I received a certified letter back from her stating that she no longer wanted a relationship with me, this is putting it nicely. You would think that a letter like this would upset me and say F you...but it didn't instead it made me see my Mom in a different light. It made me realize that my feelings really don't matter to her and that we didn't have the relationship that I thought we had.
I have attempted to talk to her on many occasions to no avail. She will not take my phone calls, she will not answer my texts. I don't even know if she has gotten any of my letters that I have sent to her asking if we can just talk. I just need closure or do I? ..
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
It all started back when I began going to therapy. My therapist was/is fantastic. She would allow me free range with my feelings. Hell she taught me about feelings. I never knew that feelings are different emotions and each one has a name. I know it sounds strange and at the same time nonsense that someone of my age and reasonable intelligence would have a problem with knowing what feelings are but it was true. I never thought about feelings. But boy did my therapist bring them out in me. Thank goodness.
During this time in therapy I began to realize that my childhood was one of complexity in that my feelings didn't really matter and that each emotion that I felt wasn't allowed so I began burying them deeper and deeper until my therapist help me to bring them up to the surface and start to deal with them. That is when I decided that I really needed to write a letter to my Mom expressing those feelings to her. Boy did that backfire on me!! Oh did I mention there is a step-father involved. They were married when I was 8. I call them the roller coaster years..
Shortly after my Mom received the letter from me, I received a certified letter back from her stating that she no longer wanted a relationship with me, this is putting it nicely. You would think that a letter like this would upset me and say F you...but it didn't instead it made me see my Mom in a different light. It made me realize that my feelings really don't matter to her and that we didn't have the relationship that I thought we had.
I have attempted to talk to her on many occasions to no avail. She will not take my phone calls, she will not answer my texts. I don't even know if she has gotten any of my letters that I have sent to her asking if we can just talk. I just need closure or do I? ..
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Living Life
This year I have decided not to write my Goals and Intentions, so as not to be disappointed if I don't reach said goals and intentions, instead I have chosen just to simply live life on life's terms. So far so good. I have been learning lessens and living life as it comes.
Before the New Year, December 15th Kathy's mom Nancy (Mutti) died. We were blessed that the family was present, not just in body but in mind as well. Even though her passing wasn't unexpected it was still difficult. It seemed to bring our family even closer together. See is missed.
We brought in the New Year with very close friends. We had great food, conversation and fellowship. The next day, New Years day we had the traditional Blackeyed peas, Spinach and cornbread with a couple of those same friends plus a couple of family members. Again there was great food, conversation and fellowship. Also laugher, love and joy in my heart for these folks that were sitting around the table that night.
This morning Kathy and I went to the city jail to pick up some belongings of a friend of ours. She is in there pending trial for the self defense murder of her husband. We are her connection with the outside, along with her daughter's and a few other friends. Helping friends in need is what life is about.
There are some family members that I've had to let go of with love because it's time for me to take care of me. I must stop doing the same things and getting hurt just because I expect different results that just aren't there. Lesson learned moving on. Sometimes life is filled with tough choices and tough decisions that we must make for our own preservation.
My wife Kathy and I talk through every single family decision together mostly where finances are concerned. For example, there really should be more natural light in my art studio. I said to her I would like to knock out a wall and put in a window. A friend of ours suggested another less invasive option solatube lighting. There ya go problem solved. We are gathering prices for installing this lighting in my art studio. Okay a little humor here but isn't that also a lesson to be learned. Because without humor life would be truly hard for me and probably most of you live.
These are my Thoughts and Feelings from Jillsville.
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