GOALS AND INTENTIONS FOR 2013

Every year since Kathy and I have been together the two of us have written up our goals and intentions for the coming year. Then we bring out the one from last year on new years day and see what we have and/or haven't done from our list. This time I am going to write mine up in my blog and share them with you. The most important thing to me is my sobriety and I have always put that before anything else even my wife, friends and family. So that will be the constant as it is on all my Goals and Intentions for the New Year. Because without that I have nothing!

With the passing of 2012 and the turmoil that I experienced within some of the past year I have decided to try my best to do and look at some things differently than I have in the past.  This doesn't come easily for me but I am going to try. 

My first goal and intention:  I am going to look at things in my personal life with more care and caution than I did last year. For instance the estrangement of my mother. This year marks the third year of no contact with her. My heart and my head have been moving in separate directions for the past two years. Now with the new year I am going to bring my heart and head together as one. Meaning from now on I am going to stop thinking of my mother as my mom and think of her as a woman. I find by doing this I can avoid the pain, confusion and frustration of the situation. It also allows me to see her in a more compassionate and understanding way. Which also helps with the healing.

My second goal and intention:  I am going to stop thinking of my biological father as my Dad. He was never there for me the way a Dad should be. In fact, I have stopped referring to him as my Dad and I call him Al because that was his name. As most of you know he died last September and it caused me a great deal of pain because I felt that I was cheated out of a relationship with him when in reality he didn't want a relationship with me. He never once sent me a birthday, Christmas, or Valentine card even though I sent him these cards including a Father's Day card. Not all the time mind you but occasionally I would go through times that I felt like it was a good idea because the heart and head thing always got in the way of my reasoning. So now I have come to the realization that it is time for me to move on and stop trying to make a relationship out of one that was not and never would have been. It was all wishful thinking on my part and not realistic.

My third goal and intention:  I am going to work on is to be more attentive to people that I love and to surround myself with those that love me and truly care about my feelings as I care about theirs. I have wasted way to much time on those that don't really care about me. For instance some facebook friends that I went to high school with that are of way different minds than I am politically speaking and socially speaking. Also family members that I have already distanced myself from. Because I am no longer going to waste time trying to figure out why they feel the way they do when they're not trying to figure out the way I feel. It just doesn't work for me anymore. Life is way to short to be worried about why some don't feel as I do about issues that are important to me. It just ain't worth the aggravation to me and it is not healthy for me to keep myself in that state of mind. I shouldn't have to keep explaining myself to people and trying to get them to think as I do about stuff. Live and Let Live and letting go is going to be my motto.

The fourth and most decisive goal and intention: is about money. Since Kathy retired and I am part time at work we have a very limited budget at this time. So it is important that I remember that I can't willy nilly be spending money as I have done in the past when both of us were working full time. My trips to Home Depot are limited now and I must be okay with that. My biggest project last year was our double deck addition. That cost more than I figured on and it will probably be the only big project for a while or atleast until we get a bit more steady on our budget.  It seems that this household has been going to the grocery store way to much over the past year. We found that out when Kathy did her budgeting last year.  Of course it could be that I have been on Prednisone for a while now. It always causes me eat more and more. Hence the moon face and the bigger love handles. *Smile* Kathy is going to work on a new budget this year and it is essential that I/We  follow it to the letter or dollar sign I should say.  We have never been that couple that argues over money and I can't see that happening. It will just take both of us working together and that means me moreso than Kathy. 

The fifth and most important goal and intention:  is that I must remember to show my gratitude to my higher power for all that I have that includes my wife, my critters, my health, my friends, my family, my job, the roof over my head and my life! This is the life that I chose to live and I must live it to the fullest extend with Gratitude, Love, Kindness and Gentleness. Blessed Be.

The sixth goal and intention:  stop the gossiping at work and other places. This is something that I work on all the time but I seem to slip back into this cycle of talking about others when they're not around. It truly is not a healthy thing to do. It is taught and talked about in AA that you should not do this. It is old behavior and that is something that you should be striving to change when you become sober.  This is the biggest injustice that one individual can give to another and I no longer want to be a part of that. So from now on I will just walk away from it. I think by doing this I will be a much happier person and not have that hanging over me. Because I always tend to have such remorse after I do it. 

These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.

I use to say this everyday before going into work with my hand on the outside door handle before opening it. This was suggested by my sponsor at the time Ann: 

God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I Cannot Change, Courage to Change the things I Can and The Wisdom to Know the Difference.

 I believe that I will go back to saying this every morning because it did seem to make my day go much better. What a great way to begin the New Year and continue it through the year. 

Happy 2013 to all. Peace Out!