WHAT REALLY MAKES A MARRIAGE?

To me what really makes a marriage is Love, Commitment, Communication, and Respect for one another that to me is what makes a marriage.From the time I was 8 years old I was raised in a One Man, One Woman marriage and just let me say that none of those elements, in my opinion were there. Sure there were times when the house was quiet but most of the time it was loud with screaming or should I say communication from my step father. Mom and I had an assortment of verbal, emotional and physical abuse from this man. The lack of commitment and respect for my Mom was shown by him in the way of infidelity . In fact, there were many times that Mom would load me in her car and we would go on a search of the bars and clubs to find this "man" and we would find him alright. We would find this "man" heading into a hotel room with women under each arm. I remember looking on my Mother's face and seeing the hurt and pain in her eyes.

Now in all fairness because I believe in fairness he was a heavy drinker at that time. He did get sober and things around the house did get better for about 3 or 4 years off and on. Then gradually things got back to the verbal, emotional, physical abuse. They live in a beautiful home. People in town call it the white house on the hill. It is my Mom's dream home and it is a beautiful home. The outside looks great the inside does to but what goes on inside does not. I finally moved away from my hometown and began thinking about my past with this family of ours. I wrote my Mom a letter about it and I honestly thought we could talk things out and I could understand more of why she stayed in this "marriage" of hers. Well we have been estranged it will be 4 years in June.

The reason I am sharing all this with you is because each and every time that I would get into a relationship my past with this One Man, One Woman Marriage would bite me on the ass. In every relationship I had I was verbally abusive because that is what I was raised with. I lost so many good relationships because of this.

Now to contrast with the One Man, One Woman Marriage I met and married a woman so now we have a One Woman, One Woman Marriage. Our marriage is one of Love, Commitment, Communication and Respect for one another. The woman I married is someone that has had to endure alot of my baggage that I brought into our relationship. The stipulation was that we go to couples therapy to try and figure out if we could make this relationship work. Well it has been 11 years in May since we have been together. I had to unlearn all my behavior patterns that I brought into this relationship but the point is that it was worth it to me. 

I know alot of you are probably thinking that it is the people that make a marriage and that is exactly my point of this blog.  One Man, One Woman Marriage is NOT what makes a marriage.  What really makes a marriage is TWO people that Love eachother, that are Committed to eachother, that Communicate with eachother and that Respect eachother. That is what makes a marriage not what sex they are.

These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.