DETACH WITH LOVE

What a Beautiful concept that is, Detach With Love.  This has been on my mind since Saturday.
I received a certified letter from someone close to me Saturday morning. Someone that I thought loved me very much and would never hurt me. It was hurtful to me and it was unnecessary.

Detach with Love means to let someone go out of your life, yet at the same time letting them know that you still love them. The letter I received was not that kind of letting go. I am still rather shocked, hurt and pained by the letter, yet at the same time I am not allowing it to get me down.

Another way to detach with love, without leaving their life, is to accept their differences and to love them anyway. For example, I just got my head shaved, fortunately my wife Kathy likes it, but even if she didn't she would not leave me because of it, she wouldn't even give me a hard time about it. Because she would respect my decision. Afterall, it is not her hair. True, True. 

I chose to surround myself with people that share my reality of life. People that are good to others and respect them even if they disagree with them. 

My life is full of people that truly do love me and truly do care about me. They know how to detach with love and respect if the need ever arises for them to do so with loved ones.  Love and Peace is the way I choose to live my life now and that is the way that I will continue to live it. Blessed Be.



These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.

Here are some of those folks that I choose to spend my time and life with.

Here is my recently shaved head. It was my way of shedding the past and moving on to the future.

OUR BEGINNINGS

I would like to share with you how Kathy and I got together. It is funny, silly and serious all at the same time. We started our relationship together with a sense of humor and it has stayed that way for many years now. Of course, there were some bumpy times in the beginning but it worked it's way out, with help from a terrific therapist and great friends working with us through the rough and tough times. 

Kathy and I both are in Alcoholics Anonymous {AA}.  I know it is okay for me to "out" my wife as a member of  AA. We both agree that if folks don't know you are a sober alcoholic, then how can you help them if they need it. 

Anyway, Kathy and I met in AA. I was just coming off a rough and bad relationship and she was easy to talk to. We went to what is called an eating meeting every Monday night. The meeting began at 6pm and ended at 7pm, afterward a bunch of us would go over to K &W cafeteria and have some dinner and talk. It was a great way to get to know people that were in the meeting. But me, I was to into whining and way to self absorbed over my heartbreak, to get to know the people around me. I don't know why, but Kathy kept talking to me about this woman every Monday night at K & W cafeteria. Well as time went by, I slowly began to get over this woman and began to look at Kathy in a different way.

We started hanging out before and after the Monday night meeting. The conversation began to change from my ex to other things. We began going to our AA women Potlucks together. One thing led to another and slowly we began to become good friends. The laughter and fun began.
After a while the flirting began. I remember some friends of ours were moving and a bunch of us got together to help them. Kathy and I were riding together in my jeep with a load of stuff for the women that were moving in the back. I slowly started to put my hand on her leg, but of course, I asked her if it was okay. She looked up and smiled at me and said yes. Then she would put her hand on mine. It was a beautiful moving day for me anyway.

Kathy, me and some friends went out to the theater one night to see a play. The whole way there Kathy and I sat in the back seat talking and laughing with one another. Then when we got to the theater we began flirting big time. Our friends weren't quite sure what to make of it I am sure. But it was fun and I enjoyed it. That was, for me, the beginning of my interest in getting to know Kathy better, if you know what I mean.

 Kathy had the potluck one night at her place in Wake Forest. All our friends were there and it was a good time as always. All of a sudden Kathy came up behind, as I was sitting in my chair and she put her arms around my neck, a hug from behind.  I really liked that. Once the meeting was over and our friends began to leave, I waited until the very last person was gone. Kathy and I sat outside on her porch and talked for a while. Then I got up and said, well it's time for me to get home. We hugged each other as I left.  As I past her I beeped my horn and she waved. I then did an illegal U turn and went back to her place. She was still outside in her yard. I pulled up to her and said, How would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night? She said that sounds great,  come here and I will fix you dinner, oh and, bring your chain saw, I have an old cherry tree I would like you to cut down for me. Some things never change. 

Once I came over for dinner, we ate and sat and chatted for a while, then she said come in here and look at these drawings, yes you guessed it, come in  my bedroom and look at my etchings, well  one thing led to another and guess what, the cherry tree never got cut down that night. :) I will just leave it at that. I will say that was our first kiss. Very romantic.  

We then went to Andrew and Aury's wedding. That is her son and daughter-in-law. The drive up there was very interesting and informative. We really had never talked politics or our views on things. Yes I am a reformed Republican, I really hate to admit that I was once a Republican, but I was this was many years ago! I am a Progressive Liberal Democrat now and there is NO going back!! 

After that drive up to Norfolk for Andrew and Aury's wedding it wasn't long after that, that our differences and other problems just weren't working out and Kathy broke it off. We both needed time to think and adjust. Thanks to Aury and others who talked with Kathy we got back together and have been together ever since. 

One day about a month after we broke up or as we say, took a hiatus,  Kathy called me on the phone and we did a bit of small talk then she asked me if I would come and meet her at a house that she was interested in buying. I said sure. Well, while the real estate agent was downstairs, we were upstairs in one of the bedrooms. We sat down on the bed and started talking, then kissing. Yup we were back together. One of Kathy's demands, I mean stipulations, was that we go to couples therapy. We did and still do. 

Kathy and I were together about 3 years before we moved in together. I remember it was a wintry night with snow on the ground. Kathy went and got her cats and brought them over to my place just in case she got snowed in over here. Then she went back over to her place, a few days later and got some more clothes and an extra toothbrush to keep here.  A little while later she brought her favorite piece of furniture over here, for safe keeping, she said. Well it took her about 10 months to move in piece by piece. I did help her to move in at her own pace with the heavy stuff.

The funny thing is I began asking her to marry me after about a year of being together. Finally she asked me to marry her about 2 years after she moved in here with me. I, of course said yes. Then we had our commitment ceremony that same year with family and friends in a beautiful magical setting. It was a friends backyard. We called it our enchanted garden.

After 8 years of being together we went and got ourselves legally married in Nova Scotia, Halifax, Canada. It was such a great experience and a wonderful time. We met some fantastic folks over there,  that we are still in contact with. We are planning on going back for a visit sometime.
As Kathy always says, our reception was with several  thousand of our closet friends. It was Pride the day we got married. The UU Church there made us a float that we rode in along with our minister Julie. Andrew and Aury stood up for us at our wedding, which made it extra special. 

Our life together has been a fun and sometimes sad journey. We never know where it is going to lead us but we will go there together with strength and humor. Our family motto is "It's all good no matter what."  As long we keep dancing in the kitchen everything is going to okay.

These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

As many of you know, I am going through a bout with my Crohn's Disease. This disease has been a part of my life for over 30 years now. Please believe me when I say that I am so NOT complaining. I have had it "easy" compared to others that I have spoken with that have this disease. There are many things that I have learned over the years, one is laughter and medicine to go together. I guess that is why I titled this block Laughter is the best Medicine. 

My Crohn's doc, Dr. Douglas Drossman, yes I gave him a shout out! Dr. D, as I affectionately call him, has been my doc for these 30+ years. I am now 52. You do the math as to when I was diagnosed. He is the one that diagnosed me and he is the one that has brought me out of many many bouts or as they're usually referred to as Flare Ups. These flare ups can last any number of days, weeks or months it just depends on where the disease is located and how much is being affected.

We have plenty of laughter in our household. My wife and I laugh alot together. She makes me laugh with some of the things I say to her and she in turn says something back to me about it.  Sometimes when I laugh, it causes her to laugh even more. For instance, just the other day she was heading out to run a few errands, she hesitantly asked me if I wanted to go with her. I in turn asked her what errands she was running. As she listed them I said okay I'll go with you. 

She drove and immediately as she left the driveway, I said to her now turn the wheel a bit more to get past the mailbox. She looked over at me and said, okay who is driving again? We both laughed. Now a bit later, when we stopped at one of our errand destinations, she was pulling into the drive through and I said, to her,  you are a bit close to the wall aren't you? The look she gave me was priceless. I started giggling, then she started to giggle and the sales person came to the window. Then we both looked at each other and smiled. 

My wife and I also have plenty of critters around that give us joy and laughter. We have two dogs, two cats, only 1 keet right now. We just lost Lasko, our yellow keet. :( . That was sad but we didn't let it get us down for to long.  We have lost many pets along the way since our 11 years together. We take it in stride and realize this is nature. That doesn't  mean we don't grieve because we do. We  simply hold one another until it passes no matter how long it takes.

Nanalu is our newest addition to the family. She is a 6  month old German Shepherd mix. She weighs, right now, the same weight that our 2 year old Lab/Pit mix Buddy does. The two of them together are a delight to us. They run and play together like no ones business. Both of them cause laughter and hilarity.

We have two cats. We call them our yellow boys. Roman and Carlos. Those two plus the two dogs are just funny together. Carlos plays, cat and dog, with Buddy. He sneaks around the corner where Buddy is until Buddy sees him, then he runs and Buddy chases him. It is funny to watch.

Our life together is a mix of Love and Laughter and Medicines for all that ails us. One thing is for sure I wouldn't change my life for anything in this world.

These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.

BTW: These are the kinds of posts I will be sharing on Jillsville from now on. This was originally what kind of posts I wanted to do. Funny and light. No more politics on this blog. However, I am starting a  new blog called Jillsview on Politics. I will attach it to this blog. Thanks those of you that read my blogs and have liked them and joined them. Time to go laugh the day away.