Where is She?

Where is she my Mom of 58 years?
She is here in body, spirit, and energy but, not in mind. For those folks that say Alzehiemers sucks I must agree. Mom has always been a soft-spoken woman very friendly with folks she never met. With this disease, I have seen a side of my Mom that I never thought that I would see. One moment she is being "herself" the next she turns into a raging mad woman.

This disease has totally rearranged our relationship from her playing the role of Mom and me being the daughter to her being the daughter and me being the Mom. It's as if she is the toddler that I have never had. It's really hard for me to write this way in reference to my Mom but it's true.

Dad is so sweet with her. He feels he doesn't do enough for her. Even though, he is over there all the time, in the memory unit where she lives now. He is very patient and kind to her. He says he doesn't want her to forget him but in the end, that's what's going to happen. That's the reality of this horrible disease.

My Dad and I are trying to muddle through this together. Both of us trying to figure all this out. We do have help from my wife Kathy, who went through this with both of her parents and my Uncle Jack, Dad's brother. Folks who say this isn't a family disease haven't ever experienced it. Everything changes, nothing is the same. All the holidays have a different meaning. My Mom loved Christmas. It was her favorite Holiday. Now, she doesn't understand any of it. She loved decorating the tree now she doesn't know how. It's sad to see and experience this.

Sometimes I sit and watch Mom. There are times she stares off into space and I wonder what is she thinking about if anything. I so want to help her figure this out but how can I when I can't even figure this out for myself. She is such a beautiful soul. It's so sad to see her disappear with each new day, gone never to return.

It does take a village and we have one with our whole family. I want to thank Mom's family. My cousins and her sister Shirley and brother Ed who visit with her and laugh with her,  Jeff and Tammy who have been there from the beginning. Friends who have asked about her and sent love and thoughts to her. Dads family. His brother Jack and sister Glo and his nieces and nephews. Thanks to all of you for your love and support! Together we will get through this and grow with love. Blessed Be.