OH WHAT TO DO?

There is such a fine line between doing what you feel is right for your comfort level and doing what you feel you know is right for another. My wife Kathy and I have had this ongoing discussion, to put it mildly, about Jack and Mutti hanging out together. As most of you know Mutti is Kathy's mother and she is living with us now and she has severe Alzheimer's Disease. Jack as most of you know is / was her significant other for about 5 years while she was living at The Heritage.

Now the discussion, that is the comfort level, for me is whether or not Jack should still be in the picture. We have already stopped the sleepovers because Mutti is at the point in her Alzheimer's that she is not longer able to make that clear decision. We felt that she wasn't a consenting adult any longer. 

The problems with her seeing Jack, as I see them,  are  1. that Mutti doesn't know who he is half the time and after one of their afternoons together she becomes very confused as to where she should be living and when "what's his name" is coming back.  Also the more time she spends away from him the more she forgets who he is and about him. Which to me is a good thing because there is less confusion and less for us to have to deal with. 2. Their conversations are not as they once were. It is really hard for Mutti to have a literate conversation any longer. She searches for words and sometimes she doesn't find them and just gives up on the conversation. 

Now in all fairness to the situation Mutti does light up when she sees him. But is that worth all the aftermath and confusion for us and for her? That is where my comfort level comes into play. 

Now Jack's whole thing is that he wants to spend time with her as much as possible. That I get. But the comfort level for me is as I explained above with ~the fact that she doesn't know him all the times that they are together or she knows him but is not sure what his name is or exactly who he is and with her not being able to have a meaningful conversation with him  and what happens with us having to deal with Mutti after their visits.  Kathy and I are the ones that have to deal with Mutti and her confusion.

Hence the question for me Oh What To Do? Does Jack stay or Does he Go?

These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.

Feedback is certainly welcomed.