LIFE'S CHANGES

I would like to begin this blog with this quote that my therapist Andrea let me copy: "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom..~Anais Nin. This is one of my favorite quotes and it ties in with the way my life has changed in many ways.We have this framed and on the kitchen bar. We see it every single day when we are at our kitchen sink. I read it and it gives me the courage I need to make decisions concerning my life. Sometimes tough decisions that could affect me in many ways. I am always reminded of what I have heard many many times in AA No Pain No Gain.

The first huge change in my life came when I moved to Raleigh from Southern Pines over 11 years ago. This move opened up my life to new and different in a good way of living. I felt so open and free. My family lives in Southern Pines and it is considered a small town with small town gossip and everyone knew me and knew about me. With my parents living there sometimes it became too close for comfort in many ways and yet in many ways it was a comfort. Still I felt very stifled. 

The second huge change in my life came when I met my future wife Kathy Bundy. She was so different than anyone I had ever met or been with. She is as real as they come in my book. We started as friends and made a strong foundation for our live together. She is truly the biggest blessing in my life along with her family. Life is never dull and it is full of love. She has my heart and my undivided love no matter what life brings us.

The third  huge change in my life came when I wrote a letter to my mom. This was the hardest letter that I have ever written in my life so far. It was a letter that pained me because it opened my inner most thoughts and feelings about my childhood. It was a letter that was painful for my mother to read I am sure. That letter caused an estrangement between us that has lasted over 3 years now. It was something that I truly didn't want to happen. I had this heartfelt feeling that this would bring us closer and open up a whole new communication between us. But it backfired. 

The fourth huge change in my life came when Kathy's mom moved in with us. Nancy or as I call her Mutti, that is mommy in German, she has Alzheimer's disease. There is never a time that Kathy and I stop taking care of eachother while we take care of Mutti. This has brought us closer together not torn us a part. Which I have heard happens with so many other couples. Part of it I think is because when I was going through some difficult times with my mom, before the letter, Mutti said to me I will be your second mother. I remember that and it meant so much to me. There is so much love in our home right now. Even when there is so much craziness.

Life does change and it is up to you to go with it. Grow and learn from changes. No Pain No Gain.

These are my thoughts and feeling from Jillsville.