This morning while I was having breakfast with Jack and Mutti, Kathy had gone to her morning meeting so it was just the three of us, Jack and I were having a nice conversation. I was sharing with him about my family of origin and he was sharing with me about his family of origin. It was an interesting conversation we were having together at the breakfast table. Mutti was just sitting there across from me smiling the whole time. I am not sure she knew what we were talking about. It was the first time that Jack and I actually talked in detail about our families or that we even really had a real conversation together about anything. Afterward he said it was nice getting to know me a bit better as it was good getting to know him a bit better. He also said that he enjoys watching how Kathy and I interact with eachother. He said it does his heart good to see us together. That was a huge statement for me to hear from him. It also does my heart good to see how well he treats Mutti. It is kinda nice being able to be open to new experiences and to put disagreements aside for moments in life.
The whole time that Jack and I were talking I was thinking to myself, what and who does make a family? For all intents and purposes the four of us make a family simply because we spend alot of time together and we are all in it for the long haul with Mutti so to speak. All the decisions that are made and all the family moments are spent together with Jack being a huge part of it. Part of our discussion this morning had to do with Mutti and how we are going to make equal time for him with her. He made the comment she is the only one for me as he reached over and touched her nose. No matter what feelings I have toward Jack or what disagreements we have between us the fact remains that he is a part of this family, our family.
So what makes a family is simply Love and Commitment toward one another. That is what it comes down to whether you are a same-sex couple either raising a child(ren) or just a loving committed same sex couple or a heterosexual couple either raising a child(ren) or just a loving committed heterosexual couple or even a group of people not related by blood line yet love and are committed to the well being of one another that is what makes a family. I don't care what anyone says....families are so important. To me the definition of family is LOVE and COMMITMENT.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Happy New Year and Love to ALL!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
CHRISTMAS MEMORIES
This afternoon I attended a ministerial committee meeting at my church the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Raleigh {UUFR}. The assistant minister John asked us to share a Christmas memory before the meeting got started. There are 6 of us on this committee and all 5 shared a childhood Christmas memory and for the life of me I could not remember one. I don't know if it is because I have blocked them out because my Mom and I are estranged at this time or if I simply couldn't remember one. I shared my memories that I have now of Christmas with my wife Kathy and her family. Her family makes Christmas so special and old fashioned. That is what I want to do with this blog post share what our Christmas is like. It just feels right for me to do this.
The first Christmas that Kathy and I were together she made me a Christmas stocking. Everyone in the family has a homemade stocking with something special sewn on it. My stocking is red and has my name in big blue letters at the top along with white stars and the stitching in blue that reads Are The Stars Out Tonight?. This has significance because that was our commitment ceremony theme. They began after Thanksgiving reading the Staves of The Christmas Carol. The one with the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. The story of Scooge. Then out came the board games. There are 5 Staves to read and the last one is read on Christmas Eve. Also they lit the four candles for each Stave and the middle candle is lit on Christmas Eve. The candles are placed in the middle of a huge green wreath and the tapioca pudding is made the morning of the readings along with chex mix and popcorn. It is such a great tradition.
A few Christmas Eves went by before I spent one with Kathy's family. Mine were usually spent in Southern Pines with my Mom and Step Father mostly upstairs alone wrapping my Mother's Christmas gifts from my step father. Sometimes we would go visit family or go to the Christmas Eve service at their church or attend an AA meeting but mostly that didn't happen for the last few years that I went in Southern Pines. One year my Mom was sick so I spent Christmas Eve here with Kathy's family. It was fantastic! That was the beginning of spending Christmas Eve with Kathy's family. It is definitely my favorite holiday day. Kathy's sister Barb makes the BEST chili ever and they also have oyster stew along with the tapioca pudding and chex mix. The middle candle is lit and the Stave 5 reading is read. Then everyone's stockings are placed on the bed and each person comes into the bedroom alone and fills the stockings with stocking suffers. I remember the first Christmas Eve I spent with Kathy's family it was like going back in time. I Loved It and I have Loved it ever since. There is laughter and joy. Story telling of Christmases past. It is a beautiful thing!
Christmas mornings are spent opening presents with the family but first we open our gifts here at our house. We have coffee and orange cinnamon buns with Ashley. Then we join the rest of the family. The last few years we have gone to The Heritage to be with Mutti but last year and this year we have joined the family at Barbs house. The gift opening begins with the youngest and goes to the oldest down the family line. It is fun. The menu is decided at the Stave 4 reading. This year the menu will be ham with baked potatoes and veggies along with tapioca pudding.
My sweet cherished Christmas memories seem to have begun when I met Kathy and her family. The feeling of tradition and relaxed fun is what Christmas is all about and that is what I have now. We no longer do the board games because Mutti is not able to do so. Which is sad in and of itself. I feel blessed and I am blessed.
These are my Christmas thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
The first Christmas that Kathy and I were together she made me a Christmas stocking. Everyone in the family has a homemade stocking with something special sewn on it. My stocking is red and has my name in big blue letters at the top along with white stars and the stitching in blue that reads Are The Stars Out Tonight?. This has significance because that was our commitment ceremony theme. They began after Thanksgiving reading the Staves of The Christmas Carol. The one with the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. The story of Scooge. Then out came the board games. There are 5 Staves to read and the last one is read on Christmas Eve. Also they lit the four candles for each Stave and the middle candle is lit on Christmas Eve. The candles are placed in the middle of a huge green wreath and the tapioca pudding is made the morning of the readings along with chex mix and popcorn. It is such a great tradition.
A few Christmas Eves went by before I spent one with Kathy's family. Mine were usually spent in Southern Pines with my Mom and Step Father mostly upstairs alone wrapping my Mother's Christmas gifts from my step father. Sometimes we would go visit family or go to the Christmas Eve service at their church or attend an AA meeting but mostly that didn't happen for the last few years that I went in Southern Pines. One year my Mom was sick so I spent Christmas Eve here with Kathy's family. It was fantastic! That was the beginning of spending Christmas Eve with Kathy's family. It is definitely my favorite holiday day. Kathy's sister Barb makes the BEST chili ever and they also have oyster stew along with the tapioca pudding and chex mix. The middle candle is lit and the Stave 5 reading is read. Then everyone's stockings are placed on the bed and each person comes into the bedroom alone and fills the stockings with stocking suffers. I remember the first Christmas Eve I spent with Kathy's family it was like going back in time. I Loved It and I have Loved it ever since. There is laughter and joy. Story telling of Christmases past. It is a beautiful thing!
Christmas mornings are spent opening presents with the family but first we open our gifts here at our house. We have coffee and orange cinnamon buns with Ashley. Then we join the rest of the family. The last few years we have gone to The Heritage to be with Mutti but last year and this year we have joined the family at Barbs house. The gift opening begins with the youngest and goes to the oldest down the family line. It is fun. The menu is decided at the Stave 4 reading. This year the menu will be ham with baked potatoes and veggies along with tapioca pudding.
My sweet cherished Christmas memories seem to have begun when I met Kathy and her family. The feeling of tradition and relaxed fun is what Christmas is all about and that is what I have now. We no longer do the board games because Mutti is not able to do so. Which is sad in and of itself. I feel blessed and I am blessed.
These are my Christmas thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Help ~ Frankie Mae
This afternoon my wife Kathy and I went to see The Help at the buck 50 movie which is now the 2 buck movie. Both of us read the book a while ago. But after seeing the movie this afternoon it really got me to thinking about a certain and a special woman of color from my childhood named Frankie Mae. The movie did the book justice even though there was NO justice back in the day for The Help.
The book and the movie reminded me of and brought back memories of when I was a child living and growing up in the South back in the 60's. Frankie Mae was both a maid to my grandparents and a nanny to me. My Mom was a single mother and we lived with my grandparents at the time. In fact, Frankie Mae practically raised me from a baby. My Mom worked quite a bit and since Frankie Mae was there she took care of me.
The memories that I have of Frankie Mae are sweet and loving memories. She was an excellent southern cook and so soft spoken to me. She and my grandfather would always have deep and sometimes very loud discussions about religion and politics. Maybe that is where I get my deep and loud passion for politics from. Anyway, Frankie Mae had 2 sons that were around the same age as me. When I was grown I found out that we went to different schools. Because at that time, in the late 60's early 70's the schools were segregated. Later when the schools became unsegregated and we went across the bridge to the black section of town I met Frankie Mae's sons.
The town where I grew up was separated by a bridge. On one side of the bridge lived the white folk and on the other side of the bridge lived the black folk. The conditions were not the best on the black side of the bridge. That is where the projects and the low housing sections were located. My grandfather was an electrician and he did alot of work for the black community. Once when I went with him on a job it was for a poor black family that had no money but they did have plenty of puppies so for payment he asked if I could pick out a puppy. That is how I got my first puppy.
When Frankie Mae died it was a sad time for all of us. She was a good and kind woman. My grandparents along with Mom and I went to her home for the wake. I remember talking with her sons outside and hugging them when we left. I can't help but wonder where are they today. I don't even remember Frankie Mae's last name or if I ever knew it. But I do remember how special and warm her hugs and her smile were for me.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
The book and the movie reminded me of and brought back memories of when I was a child living and growing up in the South back in the 60's. Frankie Mae was both a maid to my grandparents and a nanny to me. My Mom was a single mother and we lived with my grandparents at the time. In fact, Frankie Mae practically raised me from a baby. My Mom worked quite a bit and since Frankie Mae was there she took care of me.
The memories that I have of Frankie Mae are sweet and loving memories. She was an excellent southern cook and so soft spoken to me. She and my grandfather would always have deep and sometimes very loud discussions about religion and politics. Maybe that is where I get my deep and loud passion for politics from. Anyway, Frankie Mae had 2 sons that were around the same age as me. When I was grown I found out that we went to different schools. Because at that time, in the late 60's early 70's the schools were segregated. Later when the schools became unsegregated and we went across the bridge to the black section of town I met Frankie Mae's sons.
The town where I grew up was separated by a bridge. On one side of the bridge lived the white folk and on the other side of the bridge lived the black folk. The conditions were not the best on the black side of the bridge. That is where the projects and the low housing sections were located. My grandfather was an electrician and he did alot of work for the black community. Once when I went with him on a job it was for a poor black family that had no money but they did have plenty of puppies so for payment he asked if I could pick out a puppy. That is how I got my first puppy.
When Frankie Mae died it was a sad time for all of us. She was a good and kind woman. My grandparents along with Mom and I went to her home for the wake. I remember talking with her sons outside and hugging them when we left. I can't help but wonder where are they today. I don't even remember Frankie Mae's last name or if I ever knew it. But I do remember how special and warm her hugs and her smile were for me.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
A MAN CALLED JACK
The man called Jack that I am referring to is Mutti's six foot tall 89 year old boyfriend. He is a good and honorable man. They met almost 5 years ago when they both were living at The Heritage. They became an item right quick and have maintained their itemness even though Mutti is no longer living at The Heritage. As most of you know she is living with her daughter my wife Kathy and I at this time and has been for the last month or so. Jack has frequent stay overs at our home. At times it can be quite a shift in zen ness for the two of us and our home. However it is important to note and for us to know that it ain't all about us!
Jack is one of the few old school men left in this world of ours. He is loyal and takes his "duty" that he feels he has to Mutti to heart. For an example this morning at breakfast Jack was talking about Mutti's meds and I made the comment "Don't worry Jack we got it under control" his comment back to me was "I realize that the two of you ladies are really busy so I feel it is my "duty" to make sure she has her medications and to take care of her." This is something that he has done for her for almost 5 years now so he is continuing to do this for his love Mutti.
Another example is last night we had friends coming over for a potluck and fellowship so we took Mutti over to The Heritage where Jack is living now a bit earlier than we had planned. His comment to us was to make sure that she wears her heavy warm coat because we are going for a long walk before dinner. The rest of the evening plans were to go out for Chinese instead of eating at The Heritage like they always do. Then they were having Christmas entertainment at The Heritage later that evening. So he had their "date night" all planned out.
Jack is a man of few words and he is also a man of straight forward to the point statement man. He does have a bit of a sense of humor all be it reserved at times. We have definitely broadened his horizons from his Catholic up bringing. We have him attending our Unitarian Universalist Fellowship church and liking it for the most part. The different traditions that our family has as far as Christmas and other holidays is quite different than his conservative ways from the past. He is open to new adventures and thought provokeness that we bring to him. He takes it all in stride and responds with questions and comments.
We installed a land line again using a devise called magic Jack so the two of them can talk on the phone together because Mutti has trouble hearing on the cell phone. The phone also has a audio boost button so that Mutti can hear better and clearer. So when Jack called earlier in the day yesterday I overheard him as she answered "Hello sweetheart how are you this morning." in such a sweet and clear voice. He treats her with respect and loving tender care. There is nothing more that we could ask for in a loving partner for Mutti than Jack.
So This Man Called Jack is a good honorable man and mate for our Mutti.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Jack is one of the few old school men left in this world of ours. He is loyal and takes his "duty" that he feels he has to Mutti to heart. For an example this morning at breakfast Jack was talking about Mutti's meds and I made the comment "Don't worry Jack we got it under control" his comment back to me was "I realize that the two of you ladies are really busy so I feel it is my "duty" to make sure she has her medications and to take care of her." This is something that he has done for her for almost 5 years now so he is continuing to do this for his love Mutti.
Another example is last night we had friends coming over for a potluck and fellowship so we took Mutti over to The Heritage where Jack is living now a bit earlier than we had planned. His comment to us was to make sure that she wears her heavy warm coat because we are going for a long walk before dinner. The rest of the evening plans were to go out for Chinese instead of eating at The Heritage like they always do. Then they were having Christmas entertainment at The Heritage later that evening. So he had their "date night" all planned out.
Jack is a man of few words and he is also a man of straight forward to the point statement man. He does have a bit of a sense of humor all be it reserved at times. We have definitely broadened his horizons from his Catholic up bringing. We have him attending our Unitarian Universalist Fellowship church and liking it for the most part. The different traditions that our family has as far as Christmas and other holidays is quite different than his conservative ways from the past. He is open to new adventures and thought provokeness that we bring to him. He takes it all in stride and responds with questions and comments.
We installed a land line again using a devise called magic Jack so the two of them can talk on the phone together because Mutti has trouble hearing on the cell phone. The phone also has a audio boost button so that Mutti can hear better and clearer. So when Jack called earlier in the day yesterday I overheard him as she answered "Hello sweetheart how are you this morning." in such a sweet and clear voice. He treats her with respect and loving tender care. There is nothing more that we could ask for in a loving partner for Mutti than Jack.
So This Man Called Jack is a good honorable man and mate for our Mutti.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT ALFIE...LOVE THATS WHAT
The song "What's It All About Alfie" has been playing in my head for the last few days. Especially the following lyrics that say "Is it just for the moment we live" "Are we meant to take more than we give or are we meant to be kind." "I believe in love Alfie. Without true love you just exist. Until you find the love you've missed, you are nothing Alfie. When you walk let your heart lead the way and you'll find love any day Alfie."
With the way my life is going at this point in time it is no wonder that this song comes to my mind. As most of you know my wife Kathy's mother Nancy aka Mutti is living with us now. She has Alzheimer's so it is always a new experience each day. We all pretty much live in the moment because that is what Alzheimer's disease does to a family.
The point is that Kathy and I stay firmly planted in our love. It would be hard to imagine each of us going through this without the other to lean on and be supportive. This is what makes or breaks a marriage and this is what love and marriage are ALL about.
Also we have friends that are going through rough times trying to find someone to share their lives with. It ain't easy to find that special someone but once you do that is when the work has just begun. It doesn't just magically happen. People have said to us "you have such a great relationship." Well yes we do but it has taken alot of work, communication, commitment and therapy to get where we are today. Even now we have our moments of "what the hell" but then we call our therapist or we take a moment and a deep breath then we have a swing talk. Yes we have our "safe space" which we have chosen the front porch swing hence swing talk. Whether it is HOT, COLD, DRY, RAINY OR SNOWY the swing is where we go to talk about the hard stuff. It really works for the two of us as long as we both are willing to be honest with eachother and not avoid talking.
As the song says when you walk let your heart lead the way and you will find love any day. But remember once you find the love you are seeking it doesn't stop there.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
With the way my life is going at this point in time it is no wonder that this song comes to my mind. As most of you know my wife Kathy's mother Nancy aka Mutti is living with us now. She has Alzheimer's so it is always a new experience each day. We all pretty much live in the moment because that is what Alzheimer's disease does to a family.
The point is that Kathy and I stay firmly planted in our love. It would be hard to imagine each of us going through this without the other to lean on and be supportive. This is what makes or breaks a marriage and this is what love and marriage are ALL about.
Also we have friends that are going through rough times trying to find someone to share their lives with. It ain't easy to find that special someone but once you do that is when the work has just begun. It doesn't just magically happen. People have said to us "you have such a great relationship." Well yes we do but it has taken alot of work, communication, commitment and therapy to get where we are today. Even now we have our moments of "what the hell" but then we call our therapist or we take a moment and a deep breath then we have a swing talk. Yes we have our "safe space" which we have chosen the front porch swing hence swing talk. Whether it is HOT, COLD, DRY, RAINY OR SNOWY the swing is where we go to talk about the hard stuff. It really works for the two of us as long as we both are willing to be honest with eachother and not avoid talking.
As the song says when you walk let your heart lead the way and you will find love any day. But remember once you find the love you are seeking it doesn't stop there.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
What about ThanksGiving?!
What happened to the ThanksGiving Holiday of my youth and the ThanksGiving Holiday in general? It just seems that more and more, Christmas with all its attention on buy this or buy that is taking over and we are just leaving the ThanksGiving Holiday behind. It is becoming a vendors world instead of what the Holidays are suppose to be about. Holidays are about family and friends. The loved ones in your life getting together and spending time with one another.
ThanksGiving is and always will be my favorite Holiday. When I was younger ThanksGiving was a time for family and friends getting together and sharing a meal. My mom and I would spend the morning cooking veggie dishes along with a ham. Mom and I would share stories and talk. It was a time of bonding and having fun just being together.
Once everything was prepared and dinner time came we would take what we prepared to my Aunt Shirley and Uncle Chucks house. That is where the family would get together to share the meal. Also we would share what we were thankful for. We would always do it buffet style and Uncle Chuck would always be the last one to go through the line because his plate was ALWAYS piled the highest. It was GREAT to see everyone and share family stories from long ago and the present time.
The venue for the ThanksGiving feast changed when my folks build their new house. Also when my cousin David got married. It seems as families got bigger and merged ThanksGiving got smaller as far as where it was held and who came. There were times when it was just the three of us {me and my folks}. I began missing the BIG family gatherings. A couple times we went to Virginia to join the family up there. Still it just wasn't the same as my youth. I miss those times.
We felt a huge loss when my Uncle Chuck died 10 years ago from cancer. None of the Holidays have been the same since. The lives of the family changed. I moved away and the sharing of Holidays began. Now with the estrangement of my mother and myself my Holidays are spent with my wife Kathy's family. Which is fantastic! I still miss the Holidays with my Mom and the BIG family Holidays of my youth. But things change as we get older and new memories are started.
ThanksGiving should NOT be overlooked. It is a time for family and friends. That is how I spend my ThanksGiving and I am so grateful for the family that I have now because there are people out there that have NO family or friends to spend this time with.
Don't let the Christmas time vendors suck you in and don't forget ThanksGiving comes first.
These are my thoughts, feelings and concerns from Jillsville.
ThanksGiving is and always will be my favorite Holiday. When I was younger ThanksGiving was a time for family and friends getting together and sharing a meal. My mom and I would spend the morning cooking veggie dishes along with a ham. Mom and I would share stories and talk. It was a time of bonding and having fun just being together.
Once everything was prepared and dinner time came we would take what we prepared to my Aunt Shirley and Uncle Chucks house. That is where the family would get together to share the meal. Also we would share what we were thankful for. We would always do it buffet style and Uncle Chuck would always be the last one to go through the line because his plate was ALWAYS piled the highest. It was GREAT to see everyone and share family stories from long ago and the present time.
The venue for the ThanksGiving feast changed when my folks build their new house. Also when my cousin David got married. It seems as families got bigger and merged ThanksGiving got smaller as far as where it was held and who came. There were times when it was just the three of us {me and my folks}. I began missing the BIG family gatherings. A couple times we went to Virginia to join the family up there. Still it just wasn't the same as my youth. I miss those times.
We felt a huge loss when my Uncle Chuck died 10 years ago from cancer. None of the Holidays have been the same since. The lives of the family changed. I moved away and the sharing of Holidays began. Now with the estrangement of my mother and myself my Holidays are spent with my wife Kathy's family. Which is fantastic! I still miss the Holidays with my Mom and the BIG family Holidays of my youth. But things change as we get older and new memories are started.
ThanksGiving should NOT be overlooked. It is a time for family and friends. That is how I spend my ThanksGiving and I am so grateful for the family that I have now because there are people out there that have NO family or friends to spend this time with.
Don't let the Christmas time vendors suck you in and don't forget ThanksGiving comes first.
These are my thoughts, feelings and concerns from Jillsville.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
CHANGES
There are so many changes happening in our home and in our lives at this point in time. These changes stem from two main situations one of which is Mutti moving in with us and the other one is the death of Lucky Lu.
Mutti moving in is something that simply had to happen. There were NO if, ands or buts about it. The idea of putting her in a "lock down" facility just was not a viable option for us. The changes have been gradual and more revealed every day. The first of which is the fact that Kathy and I find it hard to have time alone together in our own home. This morning was nice because Mutti slept in which gave us a chance to spend some alone time in bed together until she woke up. This time allowed us a chance to "catch up" and talk about our feelings and what's going on in our lives as separate individuals. Because once Mutti wakes up the whole house must wake up. Because if we don't she would be on her own to wonder around and get lost and not know what to do.
She still is not sure where she is, meaning that this is her home now also. Today she spent a good deal of time out under the gazebo just sitting. Then she came in and made the comment to me that she didn't want to be in the way and where should she go now. I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I simply said to her that she is NOT in our way and that I didn't want her to say that again. I told her this was her home now as well as ours.
We are no longer able to just take off and go as we once were without first planning ahead and checking with the family to see if someone could stay with Mutti. Whether it be shopping, going to the theater, date night or just hanging with friends. I did say to Kathy the other night that I do want a date night with her. We are planning to go to the Oakwood Candlelight Tour the first of December. It was between that or the theater. Perhaps we can do both. We do have the help of the family which is very fortunate for us. We can plan ahead and someone will step in and look after Mutti for a few hours. Thank goodness otherwise we would be in bad shape. Also Jack helps out alot. We are very fortunate.
Kathy found a facility called SarahCare that specializes in Alzheimer care for the elderly and Mutti seems to like it. She has been there once for a free visit. The plan is to take Mutti there on one of my day offs so that Kathy and I can spend some time together during the day just the two of us. We plan on doing this a couple a days a week. That way Kathy can have a break also during the week for some alone time. That is very important.
This is ALL a work in progress for both of us. It is what it is and that is fine. Our motto "It's All Good" is so true. We are working it out and learning as we go. It seems to be bringing Kathy and I closer together.
The other change to affect our family and home was Lucky Lu dying it was so hard for me/us and it still is. There is a huge void in our family. She was the critter matriarch. Buddy seems to be moving in to that position with certain things that he is doing now- that he didn't do before. There are still times at night when we go to bed that I listen for the click click click of Lucky Lu's paw nails on the wood floor when she would come to bed after we did. Even now I wake up in the morning and am careful not to step on her because she would lay on the floor on my side of the bed. Sometimes I wake up to go to the bathroom during the night and step over the place where she use to lay down in the middle of the floor. This to shall pass I know but right now it is so hard because she was a huge part of my life and she always will be no matter what.
These changes that are happening will continue to happen. Everyday will be a different day and some of these situations will get easier or more manageable as we move on in our lives together the three of us along with the two remaining critters. It's All Good in the Bundy~Bundy~Kidd household.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Mutti moving in is something that simply had to happen. There were NO if, ands or buts about it. The idea of putting her in a "lock down" facility just was not a viable option for us. The changes have been gradual and more revealed every day. The first of which is the fact that Kathy and I find it hard to have time alone together in our own home. This morning was nice because Mutti slept in which gave us a chance to spend some alone time in bed together until she woke up. This time allowed us a chance to "catch up" and talk about our feelings and what's going on in our lives as separate individuals. Because once Mutti wakes up the whole house must wake up. Because if we don't she would be on her own to wonder around and get lost and not know what to do.
She still is not sure where she is, meaning that this is her home now also. Today she spent a good deal of time out under the gazebo just sitting. Then she came in and made the comment to me that she didn't want to be in the way and where should she go now. I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I simply said to her that she is NOT in our way and that I didn't want her to say that again. I told her this was her home now as well as ours.
We are no longer able to just take off and go as we once were without first planning ahead and checking with the family to see if someone could stay with Mutti. Whether it be shopping, going to the theater, date night or just hanging with friends. I did say to Kathy the other night that I do want a date night with her. We are planning to go to the Oakwood Candlelight Tour the first of December. It was between that or the theater. Perhaps we can do both. We do have the help of the family which is very fortunate for us. We can plan ahead and someone will step in and look after Mutti for a few hours. Thank goodness otherwise we would be in bad shape. Also Jack helps out alot. We are very fortunate.
Kathy found a facility called SarahCare that specializes in Alzheimer care for the elderly and Mutti seems to like it. She has been there once for a free visit. The plan is to take Mutti there on one of my day offs so that Kathy and I can spend some time together during the day just the two of us. We plan on doing this a couple a days a week. That way Kathy can have a break also during the week for some alone time. That is very important.
This is ALL a work in progress for both of us. It is what it is and that is fine. Our motto "It's All Good" is so true. We are working it out and learning as we go. It seems to be bringing Kathy and I closer together.
The other change to affect our family and home was Lucky Lu dying it was so hard for me/us and it still is. There is a huge void in our family. She was the critter matriarch. Buddy seems to be moving in to that position with certain things that he is doing now- that he didn't do before. There are still times at night when we go to bed that I listen for the click click click of Lucky Lu's paw nails on the wood floor when she would come to bed after we did. Even now I wake up in the morning and am careful not to step on her because she would lay on the floor on my side of the bed. Sometimes I wake up to go to the bathroom during the night and step over the place where she use to lay down in the middle of the floor. This to shall pass I know but right now it is so hard because she was a huge part of my life and she always will be no matter what.
These changes that are happening will continue to happen. Everyday will be a different day and some of these situations will get easier or more manageable as we move on in our lives together the three of us along with the two remaining critters. It's All Good in the Bundy~Bundy~Kidd household.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
THE LOSS OF MANY THINGS
This morning I awoke to find that I am mourning the loss of so many things. The first of many is my four legged baby girl Lucky Lu. She was such a huge part of my heart. After almost 14 years her body just gave out. So we had her put to sleep last week. Not an easy decision to make but for me it was the only one. I miss her so much. Every time I go outside I feel her presence there under the gardenia bush or out by the cat run where she loved to lay down or inside by the kitchen table where when we ate dinner she would just lay there waiting for me to give her a bit of food or behind the chair in the family room where she would lay and watch for the cats to come to the baby gate then she would lunge at them. She was such a huge presence in my heart and in our home both inside and outside.
The second loss I am mourning is the love and caring of my mother especially now with the loss of Lucky Lu. It has been a little over 2 years since we have actually spoken to one another on the phone or in person. I called and texted to let her know of the decision and the death of Lucky Lu and I had hoped she would have responded differently than she did. Sure she gave me her condolences and she was hurting also but there was no closeness. It was as though we were strangers not mother and daughter mourning the loss of a special soul that we both shared. I was hoping for a different response but of course that was an expectation that I should never have had. Nevertheless I did have it and it hurt very much. The loss of my mother's love is one that I will continue to feel even beyond the time that one of us dies.
The third loss I am mourning is the love and relationship of my siblings. I have 3 siblings. All are married as I am and have families of their own as do I. There has never been a closeness between us and I am not sure how to make that happen or if that is possible. I have tried but to no avail. I realize that it doesn't happen overnight and none of us were raised together as a family unit so it is a bit more difficult. We each have our own ideas of family and what it means to us. Also we are miles and miles apart from one another which is an added difficulty. What I would like to see happen is for all of us to get together with or without our families and meet for a weekend just to talk and to get to know one another.
The fourth loss I am mourning is my Mutti aka Nancy Kathy's mom. She has that horrible Alzheimer's disease which makes it so difficult to impossible to have a meaningful relationship with her at this point in time. It is as if I have lost 2 moms in one lifetime. She told me once that she would be my mom while I was going through the rough patch with my mom. That was about 3 or 4 years ago and she held up her end until this Alzheimer's disease kicked in full force. Now she is unable to fulfill that promise and I am so saddened and disheartened by that. Not only for my selfish reasons but for her also. Both of us are missing out on this relationship.
The fifth loss I am mourning is my youth. I was just beginning the installation of an electric fence to keep Buddy from climbing our wood fence and possibly being hurt or taken from us. As I was beginning this task I realized that I am simply too tired to do this job. Having had a full week of working and being on my feet for 8 hours a day well I am just simply exhausted. Once upon a time that would not have detoured me from the task at hand but now, today, it does. I must come to the realization that I am just not as young and vibrant as I once was and that is OKAY. So we are hiring someone to do it for us and that is that.
Life has its ups and downs. Losses and gains. It is all a part of the "Big" picture I guess. My thoughts are just so deep and disconcerting right now. As I have heard it said many times "This to shall pass." All and All I am very blessed and I am so very grateful for all that I do have still there are these real mourning and losses going on in my heart and mind. However, as is our new family motto It's All Good and it truly IS!
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
The second loss I am mourning is the love and caring of my mother especially now with the loss of Lucky Lu. It has been a little over 2 years since we have actually spoken to one another on the phone or in person. I called and texted to let her know of the decision and the death of Lucky Lu and I had hoped she would have responded differently than she did. Sure she gave me her condolences and she was hurting also but there was no closeness. It was as though we were strangers not mother and daughter mourning the loss of a special soul that we both shared. I was hoping for a different response but of course that was an expectation that I should never have had. Nevertheless I did have it and it hurt very much. The loss of my mother's love is one that I will continue to feel even beyond the time that one of us dies.
The third loss I am mourning is the love and relationship of my siblings. I have 3 siblings. All are married as I am and have families of their own as do I. There has never been a closeness between us and I am not sure how to make that happen or if that is possible. I have tried but to no avail. I realize that it doesn't happen overnight and none of us were raised together as a family unit so it is a bit more difficult. We each have our own ideas of family and what it means to us. Also we are miles and miles apart from one another which is an added difficulty. What I would like to see happen is for all of us to get together with or without our families and meet for a weekend just to talk and to get to know one another.
The fourth loss I am mourning is my Mutti aka Nancy Kathy's mom. She has that horrible Alzheimer's disease which makes it so difficult to impossible to have a meaningful relationship with her at this point in time. It is as if I have lost 2 moms in one lifetime. She told me once that she would be my mom while I was going through the rough patch with my mom. That was about 3 or 4 years ago and she held up her end until this Alzheimer's disease kicked in full force. Now she is unable to fulfill that promise and I am so saddened and disheartened by that. Not only for my selfish reasons but for her also. Both of us are missing out on this relationship.
The fifth loss I am mourning is my youth. I was just beginning the installation of an electric fence to keep Buddy from climbing our wood fence and possibly being hurt or taken from us. As I was beginning this task I realized that I am simply too tired to do this job. Having had a full week of working and being on my feet for 8 hours a day well I am just simply exhausted. Once upon a time that would not have detoured me from the task at hand but now, today, it does. I must come to the realization that I am just not as young and vibrant as I once was and that is OKAY. So we are hiring someone to do it for us and that is that.
Life has its ups and downs. Losses and gains. It is all a part of the "Big" picture I guess. My thoughts are just so deep and disconcerting right now. As I have heard it said many times "This to shall pass." All and All I am very blessed and I am so very grateful for all that I do have still there are these real mourning and losses going on in my heart and mind. However, as is our new family motto It's All Good and it truly IS!
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
MY LUCKY LU
As I write this blog my baby girl Lucky LU is dying. It seems that her kidney and liver functions are failing. She chose me from a liter of all male puppies at a place called The Haven a no kill animal shelter near Southern Pines. We became a part of each others lives almost 15 years ago.
The story begins with a trip to The Haven shortly after I lost Snook. She was another dog of mine that died from kidney failure a month earlier. Both Lucky LU and Snook look similar. Both Lab mixes and both female. I did plan it that way. I missed Snook so much that I wanted another dog to take her place. Little did I know that all dogs are different just like people. All have their own personalities. Lucky Lu has been my protector and my confidant all these years. I have had her longer than I had Snook. She has been such a blessing in my life and one that I am so thankful to have had all these years. We have had some good times and some hard times together.
Naming her Lucky was my idea because she was Lucky to have me...Little did I know that I was the Lucky one after all to have had her in my life. The Lu was my Mothers idea. Because Lucky was a boys name as a rule and Mom felt that Lu Lu was a good way to make it more of a female name. So we began calling Lucky...Lu Lu...instead of Lucky much of the time. She has been a really good girl and we have been a really good team all these years together.
Lucky Lu is going to be at Rainbow Bridge in a short time where all the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor.She will be happy and content, except for one small thing; she will miss us until we meet again at Rainbow Bridge.
Once she spots us, and we meet again, we will cling together with happy kisses upon our face and our hands will caress her head. We will look once more into her trusting eyes and cross Rainbow Bridge together.
These are my sad thoughts from Jillsville on this windy cold day in November.
The story begins with a trip to The Haven shortly after I lost Snook. She was another dog of mine that died from kidney failure a month earlier. Both Lucky LU and Snook look similar. Both Lab mixes and both female. I did plan it that way. I missed Snook so much that I wanted another dog to take her place. Little did I know that all dogs are different just like people. All have their own personalities. Lucky Lu has been my protector and my confidant all these years. I have had her longer than I had Snook. She has been such a blessing in my life and one that I am so thankful to have had all these years. We have had some good times and some hard times together.
Naming her Lucky was my idea because she was Lucky to have me...Little did I know that I was the Lucky one after all to have had her in my life. The Lu was my Mothers idea. Because Lucky was a boys name as a rule and Mom felt that Lu Lu was a good way to make it more of a female name. So we began calling Lucky...Lu Lu...instead of Lucky much of the time. She has been a really good girl and we have been a really good team all these years together.
Lucky Lu is going to be at Rainbow Bridge in a short time where all the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor.She will be happy and content, except for one small thing; she will miss us until we meet again at Rainbow Bridge.
Once she spots us, and we meet again, we will cling together with happy kisses upon our face and our hands will caress her head. We will look once more into her trusting eyes and cross Rainbow Bridge together.
These are my sad thoughts from Jillsville on this windy cold day in November.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
FAMILY AND EQUALITY HAND IN HAND
The last couple of days have been centered around my family and equality for my family. There have been either questions or comments concerning my family and the diversity and pride that comes with my family.
For example yesterday my administrator Kathy had a group of us go into the conference room and put together a collage about ourselves. Then we had to stand up and share the collage with our group and say ONE word that best describes us. This is a way to get to know one another and to know a little bit about the people we are working with. This is part of a "team" building process through our company. We had to listen to our CEO Andrew talk a little about "team" work and our company. It was an interesting way to spend a couple of hours.
My collage began with a picture of Jane Lynch from which I said "I am a Lesbian." Of course, everyone in the room knows that already simply because I choose to live OUT and PROUD. I did hear a few {no kidding} comments. Then the next picture was one of 2 women to that I replied {I married my partner of 10 years Kathy a year ago} so on and so on with the rest of the collage. Now across the top of the page was the word EQUALITY that I spelled out using the foam letters that my administrator had on hand. Because the word EQUALITY is very important to me and one that I strive for. Because EVERYONE should be EQUAL in this life time. The ONE word that I used to described myself was PROUD. My friend Charlene said she would have said PASSIONATE. Either one of those words works for me.
Now today...we had benefit enrollment at my work place. As I was reading through the booklet that the company supplies I came across an interesting paragraph. One that has NEVER been in this booklet and I have had 10 years with this company. The following is word for word what is written:
*Who is Eligible
Eligibility in the SCAdvantage benefit plans has changed for 2012! SCA recognizes that with a diverse workforce comes a broad array of personal circumstances and individual needs. The definition of family for one Teammate can be different-but equally as significant-from that of another. SCA is pleased to offer eligible Teammates the opportunity to cover Domestic Partners {and Partners' eligible dependents} under certain plans that are part of SCA's various benefit programs. This extension of coverage is consistent with SCA's commitment to offer competitive benefit programs and support the Company's many diversity policies and initiatives.* Now I don't have to tell you how important this one statement is to me and others like me. Kathy said to me does it make you feel better to be working for this company now. I replied oh yea.
I find that EQUALITY is coming for me and my family and others like us.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
For example yesterday my administrator Kathy had a group of us go into the conference room and put together a collage about ourselves. Then we had to stand up and share the collage with our group and say ONE word that best describes us. This is a way to get to know one another and to know a little bit about the people we are working with. This is part of a "team" building process through our company. We had to listen to our CEO Andrew talk a little about "team" work and our company. It was an interesting way to spend a couple of hours.
My collage began with a picture of Jane Lynch from which I said "I am a Lesbian." Of course, everyone in the room knows that already simply because I choose to live OUT and PROUD. I did hear a few {no kidding} comments. Then the next picture was one of 2 women to that I replied {I married my partner of 10 years Kathy a year ago} so on and so on with the rest of the collage. Now across the top of the page was the word EQUALITY that I spelled out using the foam letters that my administrator had on hand. Because the word EQUALITY is very important to me and one that I strive for. Because EVERYONE should be EQUAL in this life time. The ONE word that I used to described myself was PROUD. My friend Charlene said she would have said PASSIONATE. Either one of those words works for me.
Now today...we had benefit enrollment at my work place. As I was reading through the booklet that the company supplies I came across an interesting paragraph. One that has NEVER been in this booklet and I have had 10 years with this company. The following is word for word what is written:
*Who is Eligible
Eligibility in the SCAdvantage benefit plans has changed for 2012! SCA recognizes that with a diverse workforce comes a broad array of personal circumstances and individual needs. The definition of family for one Teammate can be different-but equally as significant-from that of another. SCA is pleased to offer eligible Teammates the opportunity to cover Domestic Partners {and Partners' eligible dependents} under certain plans that are part of SCA's various benefit programs. This extension of coverage is consistent with SCA's commitment to offer competitive benefit programs and support the Company's many diversity policies and initiatives.* Now I don't have to tell you how important this one statement is to me and others like me. Kathy said to me does it make you feel better to be working for this company now. I replied oh yea.
I find that EQUALITY is coming for me and my family and others like us.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
VOTE FOR THE PERSON NOT THEIR RELIGION
Okay here we go...*sliding out my soap box and stepping on it.* This is Jillsville after all so I can say exactly what is on my mind and that is exactly what I am about to do!
Voting is one of the basic rights given to ALL people {of age that is} and one that we should use without reservation. MANY have died so that we might have this right. Not many people use that simple basic right which is beyond my understanding. That being said...here is the point to this blog.
In my humble opinion, our country is in bad shape. There are politicians out there , on both sides of the aisle, more leaning to the right {conservatives} than the left {Dems}, that are more concerned with having President Obama fail rather than work with him to restore this country back to the number one position in the nation. At this point in time our country is the laughing stock of the world. Not the place where I like to be.
This is the time to elect those individuals that are willing to work together in BIPARTISANSHIP in order to restore this nation back to being a strong and solid nation. We must have strong leadership and that begins in the voting booth. People need to be informed and not taken in by the media aka "talking heads". We all have common sense and also a sense of fair play meaning equality for all. The people we elect should have those same values. I am not speaking of only electing the President but more importantly the governing bodies. {The Senate and The House}
The idea that religious beliefs belong in politics is just WRONG. There is NO where in the United States Constitution where any type of religion is stated. So in order for there to be NO religion in politics then there should be no politicians voted in to office because of their religious beliefs. In other words they should not run on religion. We need to take religion out of politics and put it back into churches where it belongs!
The way it is now we still have the majority of people voting on the rights of the minority. That is NOT fair nor equal. This is just another way that our country is being divided. We must stop this from happening. The only way that this can and will change is if WE THE PEOPLE change it by voting for those individuals that we feel have the sense of equality and common sense within them without their religion getting in the way.
I have been voting since I was of age which was 18 years old. My choices have not always been the best, in hind sight. There is one thing that I can say without reservation...my vote has never and will never be religiously motivated.
Please use your basic right and vote. Let us bring this country back together. Take religion out and put common decency back in.
Okay *stepping off the soap box and putting it up.*
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Voting is one of the basic rights given to ALL people {of age that is} and one that we should use without reservation. MANY have died so that we might have this right. Not many people use that simple basic right which is beyond my understanding. That being said...here is the point to this blog.
In my humble opinion, our country is in bad shape. There are politicians out there , on both sides of the aisle, more leaning to the right {conservatives} than the left {Dems}, that are more concerned with having President Obama fail rather than work with him to restore this country back to the number one position in the nation. At this point in time our country is the laughing stock of the world. Not the place where I like to be.
This is the time to elect those individuals that are willing to work together in BIPARTISANSHIP in order to restore this nation back to being a strong and solid nation. We must have strong leadership and that begins in the voting booth. People need to be informed and not taken in by the media aka "talking heads". We all have common sense and also a sense of fair play meaning equality for all. The people we elect should have those same values. I am not speaking of only electing the President but more importantly the governing bodies. {The Senate and The House}
The idea that religious beliefs belong in politics is just WRONG. There is NO where in the United States Constitution where any type of religion is stated. So in order for there to be NO religion in politics then there should be no politicians voted in to office because of their religious beliefs. In other words they should not run on religion. We need to take religion out of politics and put it back into churches where it belongs!
The way it is now we still have the majority of people voting on the rights of the minority. That is NOT fair nor equal. This is just another way that our country is being divided. We must stop this from happening. The only way that this can and will change is if WE THE PEOPLE change it by voting for those individuals that we feel have the sense of equality and common sense within them without their religion getting in the way.
I have been voting since I was of age which was 18 years old. My choices have not always been the best, in hind sight. There is one thing that I can say without reservation...my vote has never and will never be religiously motivated.
Please use your basic right and vote. Let us bring this country back together. Take religion out and put common decency back in.
Okay *stepping off the soap box and putting it up.*
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Monday, October 17, 2011
ODE TO MUTTI {AKA} NANCY BUNDY
Let me begin this blog post with the definition of Alzheimer's disease: This disease causes brain changes that gradually get worse. It's the most common cause of dementia - a group of brain disorders that cause progressive loss of intellectual and social skills, severe enough to interfere with day-to-day life. In Alzheimer's disease, brain cells degenerate and die, causing a steady decline in memory and mental function. It is one of the most horrible diseases that a family can endure. To watch the decline of a loved one. This is happening to a loved one of mine up close and personal. It not only effects her but all of us. The loved one that I am speaking of is Mutti aka Nancy L. Bundy my mother-in-law.
I joined this family almost 10 years ago. I not only fell in love with my wife Kathy Bundy but I fell in love with her family. I remember mine and Kathy's first date it was a play in which we were joined by her Mother Nancy aka Mutti {German for Mommy} and her sister Barb. Even though I was very quiet that night I felt very much at ease with Kathy's family especially Mutti.
When Kathy and I first got together Mutti lived in Louisburg. She was very content there. We had many a family gathering there. That is the place where Kathy's parents lived until her Dad Les was struck down with Alzheimer's disease a few years before I came into the picture. I never had the chance to meet Les he was already way into the disease and living in a rest home a couple of blocks from the house in Louisburg. He died from this disease a few months into our relationship. It was a sad time for the whole family.
Mutti stayed on at the homestead for a few years after Les died. Gradually she came to the point where she was not comfortable living so far away and she made the decision to move to Raleigh. This was a huge load off the family because it was her choice and not ours to make. She now lives in a retirement community and is very happy there with her boyfriend of 4 years Jack.
Mutti has always been a woman of words and music. She is a retired school teacher. Many a night she and Kathy would share conversations that would be WAY over my head. Now she can hardly put a sentence together. We would play board games after family gatherings on Holidays and Birthdays now she doesn't want to play games because she doesn't remember the rules or how to keep up.
The retirement home where she has been living and able to leave at her own will has called us on several occasions saying that she has left the building without supervision and they fear for her safety because she doesn't know where she is or where she is going. She has always enjoyed traveling for many many years on her own and now she needs to have someone travel with her and have a wheelchair available when she exits the plane to get her to a connecting flight.
Kathy is so good and patient with her Mom. I said to her once that I don't know how she does it and she said to me it's so easy because she is my Mom and I Love Her. She deserves to be treated with respect and dignity because that is how she has always treated me and others. Those words have stayed with me when I am around Mutti. It makes it easier for me to repeat myself when Mutti asks me the same question that I just answered not 5 min ago.
Kathy and I have talked about the future with Mutti. The time when Jack is unable to take care of her any longer or when she HAS to leave the retirement community. Neither one of us wants her to go to a lock down facility. NO WAY! The ONLY answer we have is for her to stay with us until the time that she needs specialized care. That is one of the reason's that Kathy retired early. We are both in agreement with this. Also we both realize this will be a huge adjustment and change in our lives but the bottom line is that families stay together and take care of eachother.
The special bond I have with Mutti happened pretty much from the beginning. I was going through a rough time with my Mom and Mutti said to me I will be your Mother for now. That meant so much to me and it still does. Even now she introduces me as one of her girls. I know that there will come a day when she will not know who I am and that is okay because I will know who she is and has been to me all these years.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
I joined this family almost 10 years ago. I not only fell in love with my wife Kathy Bundy but I fell in love with her family. I remember mine and Kathy's first date it was a play in which we were joined by her Mother Nancy aka Mutti {German for Mommy} and her sister Barb. Even though I was very quiet that night I felt very much at ease with Kathy's family especially Mutti.
When Kathy and I first got together Mutti lived in Louisburg. She was very content there. We had many a family gathering there. That is the place where Kathy's parents lived until her Dad Les was struck down with Alzheimer's disease a few years before I came into the picture. I never had the chance to meet Les he was already way into the disease and living in a rest home a couple of blocks from the house in Louisburg. He died from this disease a few months into our relationship. It was a sad time for the whole family.
Mutti stayed on at the homestead for a few years after Les died. Gradually she came to the point where she was not comfortable living so far away and she made the decision to move to Raleigh. This was a huge load off the family because it was her choice and not ours to make. She now lives in a retirement community and is very happy there with her boyfriend of 4 years Jack.
Mutti has always been a woman of words and music. She is a retired school teacher. Many a night she and Kathy would share conversations that would be WAY over my head. Now she can hardly put a sentence together. We would play board games after family gatherings on Holidays and Birthdays now she doesn't want to play games because she doesn't remember the rules or how to keep up.
The retirement home where she has been living and able to leave at her own will has called us on several occasions saying that she has left the building without supervision and they fear for her safety because she doesn't know where she is or where she is going. She has always enjoyed traveling for many many years on her own and now she needs to have someone travel with her and have a wheelchair available when she exits the plane to get her to a connecting flight.
Kathy is so good and patient with her Mom. I said to her once that I don't know how she does it and she said to me it's so easy because she is my Mom and I Love Her. She deserves to be treated with respect and dignity because that is how she has always treated me and others. Those words have stayed with me when I am around Mutti. It makes it easier for me to repeat myself when Mutti asks me the same question that I just answered not 5 min ago.
Kathy and I have talked about the future with Mutti. The time when Jack is unable to take care of her any longer or when she HAS to leave the retirement community. Neither one of us wants her to go to a lock down facility. NO WAY! The ONLY answer we have is for her to stay with us until the time that she needs specialized care. That is one of the reason's that Kathy retired early. We are both in agreement with this. Also we both realize this will be a huge adjustment and change in our lives but the bottom line is that families stay together and take care of eachother.
The special bond I have with Mutti happened pretty much from the beginning. I was going through a rough time with my Mom and Mutti said to me I will be your Mother for now. That meant so much to me and it still does. Even now she introduces me as one of her girls. I know that there will come a day when she will not know who I am and that is okay because I will know who she is and has been to me all these years.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY: MY STORY
I got this bit of history from LGBTQNATION. Here is the reason for celebrating National Coming Out Day.
Today, October 11, is National Coming Out Day ~ the internationally observed day to celebrate coming out and to raise awareness of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community and LGBT civil rights movement.
National Coming Out Day was founded in 1988 by Robert Eichberg, a psychologist from New Mexico, and Jean O'Leary, an openly gay political leader from Los Angeles, on behalf of the personal growth workshop,"The Experience and National Gay Rights Advocates."
The date of October 11 coincides with the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.
Here is my "Coming Out" story:
Let me begin this by quoting from one of my civil rights heroes: "Burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight." ~ Harvey Milk
Years ago my wife Kathy and I participated in the Pride Day at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Raleigh {UUFR}. We shared our story of how we came out and our life together as a couple. Kathy wrote our "script" and within the "script" was a statement of how I came out of the womb a lesbian and flirting with the nurses. That very well could have happened and so appropriate for me and the way I live my life and have always lived my life. Being Open and Proud. Kathy knows me so well. She calls me a "Gold Star Lesbian."
So I don't have a "coming out" story per-say. Of course when I was younger and coming from a small but very conservative town I did "experiment" with being "straight". Dated guys but it just wasn't for me. I always felt uncomfortable and untrue to myself. That is so not a good place to be. I was extremely miserable. Being raised in this very conservative small town with conservative parents I was confused for just a bit but came to and out and stayed out from that time on. Sometimes I thought that I was the only homosexual in this town but I always seemed to manage to find others just like me. In fact, I dated a few here and there.
Both my Mom and Step Father knew or I should say found out that I was a lesbian. My step father read my journal that I had hidden in the bottom drawer underneath some clothes. I found out later that he saw me writing in it one day and saw where I put it. So of course he got it out and read it. There were times when my Mom would say to me I do love you but I just don't like your "lifestyle." I don't mind telling you that would hurt me to the core. But that was how it was. As time went by and I started dating and bringing girls/women home to meet the folks well let me just tell you that is when things really went south. They were cordial enough but there was still alot of uncomfortableness for both my date, myself and I am sure for the folks. So needless to say it didn't happen very often and I kept a huge part of my life to myself.
National Coming Out Day is about being PROUD of who you are and knowing that who you are is okay. To quote Harvey Milk once again ~ "All young people, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, deserve a safe and supportive environment in which to achieve their full potential."
Growing up in this conservative town with conservative parents I didn't always feel safe and supported. My Aunt Shirley, my mothers sister, has NEVER said to me I Love You but not your lifestyle. She is the mother of my heart and always has been. She loves me for who and what I am and doesn't judge me. My Uncle Chuck, Aunt Shirley's husband and my father figure he accepted and loved me also. I am so blessed to have other family members and friends from that same hometown and in my life today that love, support and accept me for me. It is a good feeling. So many people don't have that and it is shameful. There are so many people out there in this political world mostly the conservative Republicans that use their power and so called Christianity for evil, hate and homophobic bigotry.
There are Ministers that use their pulpits to spread homophobic bigotry in the name of "Christian Values" instead of sharing equality and love which is more of a Christian Value. Also there are some Ministers out there who could USE their pulpits to spread equality and love but choose not to that is the biggest shame of all to me. I must say THANK YOU to the ministers that DO use their pulpits for equality and love.
We MUST work to change hearts and minds about LGBTQ people. We also MUST create a safe space for the LGBTQ youth. There is POWER in NUMBERS so let yourself be heard LOUD and CLEAR and with PRIDE! Come on out live free and know that you are good and you are loved for you.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Today, October 11, is National Coming Out Day ~ the internationally observed day to celebrate coming out and to raise awareness of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community and LGBT civil rights movement.
National Coming Out Day was founded in 1988 by Robert Eichberg, a psychologist from New Mexico, and Jean O'Leary, an openly gay political leader from Los Angeles, on behalf of the personal growth workshop,"The Experience and National Gay Rights Advocates."
The date of October 11 coincides with the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.
Here is my "Coming Out" story:
Let me begin this by quoting from one of my civil rights heroes: "Burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight." ~ Harvey Milk
Years ago my wife Kathy and I participated in the Pride Day at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Raleigh {UUFR}. We shared our story of how we came out and our life together as a couple. Kathy wrote our "script" and within the "script" was a statement of how I came out of the womb a lesbian and flirting with the nurses. That very well could have happened and so appropriate for me and the way I live my life and have always lived my life. Being Open and Proud. Kathy knows me so well. She calls me a "Gold Star Lesbian."
So I don't have a "coming out" story per-say. Of course when I was younger and coming from a small but very conservative town I did "experiment" with being "straight". Dated guys but it just wasn't for me. I always felt uncomfortable and untrue to myself. That is so not a good place to be. I was extremely miserable. Being raised in this very conservative small town with conservative parents I was confused for just a bit but came to and out and stayed out from that time on. Sometimes I thought that I was the only homosexual in this town but I always seemed to manage to find others just like me. In fact, I dated a few here and there.
Both my Mom and Step Father knew or I should say found out that I was a lesbian. My step father read my journal that I had hidden in the bottom drawer underneath some clothes. I found out later that he saw me writing in it one day and saw where I put it. So of course he got it out and read it. There were times when my Mom would say to me I do love you but I just don't like your "lifestyle." I don't mind telling you that would hurt me to the core. But that was how it was. As time went by and I started dating and bringing girls/women home to meet the folks well let me just tell you that is when things really went south. They were cordial enough but there was still alot of uncomfortableness for both my date, myself and I am sure for the folks. So needless to say it didn't happen very often and I kept a huge part of my life to myself.
National Coming Out Day is about being PROUD of who you are and knowing that who you are is okay. To quote Harvey Milk once again ~ "All young people, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, deserve a safe and supportive environment in which to achieve their full potential."
Growing up in this conservative town with conservative parents I didn't always feel safe and supported. My Aunt Shirley, my mothers sister, has NEVER said to me I Love You but not your lifestyle. She is the mother of my heart and always has been. She loves me for who and what I am and doesn't judge me. My Uncle Chuck, Aunt Shirley's husband and my father figure he accepted and loved me also. I am so blessed to have other family members and friends from that same hometown and in my life today that love, support and accept me for me. It is a good feeling. So many people don't have that and it is shameful. There are so many people out there in this political world mostly the conservative Republicans that use their power and so called Christianity for evil, hate and homophobic bigotry.
There are Ministers that use their pulpits to spread homophobic bigotry in the name of "Christian Values" instead of sharing equality and love which is more of a Christian Value. Also there are some Ministers out there who could USE their pulpits to spread equality and love but choose not to that is the biggest shame of all to me. I must say THANK YOU to the ministers that DO use their pulpits for equality and love.
We MUST work to change hearts and minds about LGBTQ people. We also MUST create a safe space for the LGBTQ youth. There is POWER in NUMBERS so let yourself be heard LOUD and CLEAR and with PRIDE! Come on out live free and know that you are good and you are loved for you.
These are my thoughts and feelings from Jillsville.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
NEIGHBORHOOD TRAGEDY
Tragedy struck our neighborhood this morning. A young woman was murdered by her boyfriend. Such a horrible thing to happen in any neighborhood and in any household. You never think in a million years that the person who you love and who loves you could or would kill you.
Our neighborhood is such a quiet and peaceful one atleast from the outside looking in. The house where the woman was murdered is really nice on the outside but you don't ever know what goes on in peoples houses. Having this happen this morning reminds me of growing up in the house that I grew up in. It was always nice and peaceful looking from the outside looking in. But from the inside looking out was such a different story. There was so much yelling and abuse.
Growing up we moved a few times and in each instant it was the same. The outside of house was nice but what happened on the inside was not nice. This is not to say these occasions were many there were some nice times but so often the nice times didn't out weigh the bad times.
As I got older my folks bought some land and build a house. The house is my mothers "dream home". In all honesty it is a beautiful house on the outside and on the inside {decoratively speaking} that is. It is known as the white house on the hill. It has so many security features that it is shameful. There is an alarm that speaks every time you open a door. Also there is an alarm that speaks when someone drives up in the driveway.
There is a collection of guns within this fortress. Which in and of itself scares me. I was always assured that the guns were just collections and were not able to be fired but who is to say that was true. I didn't want to get close enough to find out. There were so many times that tempers would flare up and with the gun collection being right there at the finger tips of those that live there was just too much for me to bare. As time went on and I got older my visits became shorter because I became more nervous and scared at the prospect of so many guns being so easily accessed.
I hear the arguments "guns don't kill people, people kill people with the guns." Well why put the guns in the peoples hands where that could happen?! Guns are so readily available it seems. Something needs to be done about this problem.
My live today is so much quieter. At this moment my folks and I are estranged so I don't have to visit the white house on the hill. My wife Kathy and I don't yell or abuse each other. We don't live in a fortress. We have simple alarm system and 3 dogs for our security and love. Today my house looks the same from the outside looking in as it does from the inside looking out.
These are my thoughts from Jillsville.
Our neighborhood is such a quiet and peaceful one atleast from the outside looking in. The house where the woman was murdered is really nice on the outside but you don't ever know what goes on in peoples houses. Having this happen this morning reminds me of growing up in the house that I grew up in. It was always nice and peaceful looking from the outside looking in. But from the inside looking out was such a different story. There was so much yelling and abuse.
Growing up we moved a few times and in each instant it was the same. The outside of house was nice but what happened on the inside was not nice. This is not to say these occasions were many there were some nice times but so often the nice times didn't out weigh the bad times.
As I got older my folks bought some land and build a house. The house is my mothers "dream home". In all honesty it is a beautiful house on the outside and on the inside {decoratively speaking} that is. It is known as the white house on the hill. It has so many security features that it is shameful. There is an alarm that speaks every time you open a door. Also there is an alarm that speaks when someone drives up in the driveway.
There is a collection of guns within this fortress. Which in and of itself scares me. I was always assured that the guns were just collections and were not able to be fired but who is to say that was true. I didn't want to get close enough to find out. There were so many times that tempers would flare up and with the gun collection being right there at the finger tips of those that live there was just too much for me to bare. As time went on and I got older my visits became shorter because I became more nervous and scared at the prospect of so many guns being so easily accessed.
I hear the arguments "guns don't kill people, people kill people with the guns." Well why put the guns in the peoples hands where that could happen?! Guns are so readily available it seems. Something needs to be done about this problem.
My live today is so much quieter. At this moment my folks and I are estranged so I don't have to visit the white house on the hill. My wife Kathy and I don't yell or abuse each other. We don't live in a fortress. We have simple alarm system and 3 dogs for our security and love. Today my house looks the same from the outside looking in as it does from the inside looking out.
These are my thoughts from Jillsville.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Life As I Know It In Jillsville: Sometimes I forget about Graditude
Life As I Know It In Jillsville: Sometimes I forget about Graditude: The place where I got sober had a huge plaque on the wall that read: Make Gratitude Your Attitude. The founding members hung it on the back...
Sometimes I forget about Graditude
The place where I got sober had a huge plaque on the wall that read: Make Gratitude Your Attitude. The founding members hung it on the back wall of the meeting hall just to the side of the doorway so as you left the meeting that would be the last thing you saw. The times when I would lead a discussion or share my AA story I would look at that plaque with those words Make Graditude Your Attitude and it was SO inspirational to me. The print was so BIG you could see it from the front of the huge meeting room.
This is such a back to basics for me. I have strayed from my beginnings and it is time that I find my way back. Being sick with my crohn's disease flare up these past few weeks have given me the chance to reflect and has also brought so much of my old school AA thoughts and feelings back to life. It is time for me to act instead of react which is what I am going to begin to do. I will not continue to allow these outside agitators continue to live "rent free" in my head any longer. As my wife Kathy has said they can only harm us if we allow them to and I have NO intention of allowing them to any longer.
The plaque still hangs in the same place on the same wall in the same meeting hall. When I return on visits it reminds me that Graditude Should Be My Attitude in ALL aspects of my life. There is such recovery in that one single solitary word GRADITUDE.
On this the first day of fall I decided to come outside after dinner and sit under the gazebo and look out over my yard. It is so beautiful out here and it feels as though I am so far away from the politics, and the folks on the religious right that I have this huge fear of harm from. The pleasantness of it all just warms me.
It wasn't long before Kathy came out and joined me. She began doing little things out in the yard. Picking up dog poop, playing with Buddy, combing out Lucky Lu and Torries fur and while she was doing all this I shared with her what I was feeling and we began talking about all we have to be grateful for.
During all this I had a profound sense of Graditude and began thinking about all the things we have together as a couple and a family. I shared out loud with Kathy that the politicians and the religious right can take what they want and they are trying to BUT the one thing they WILL and can NEVER take is our LOVE, COMMITMENT, MARRIAGE and our FAMILY from us. This gives me such a sense of GRADITUDE.
This is my life as I know it in Jillsville.
This is such a back to basics for me. I have strayed from my beginnings and it is time that I find my way back. Being sick with my crohn's disease flare up these past few weeks have given me the chance to reflect and has also brought so much of my old school AA thoughts and feelings back to life. It is time for me to act instead of react which is what I am going to begin to do. I will not continue to allow these outside agitators continue to live "rent free" in my head any longer. As my wife Kathy has said they can only harm us if we allow them to and I have NO intention of allowing them to any longer.
The plaque still hangs in the same place on the same wall in the same meeting hall. When I return on visits it reminds me that Graditude Should Be My Attitude in ALL aspects of my life. There is such recovery in that one single solitary word GRADITUDE.
On this the first day of fall I decided to come outside after dinner and sit under the gazebo and look out over my yard. It is so beautiful out here and it feels as though I am so far away from the politics, and the folks on the religious right that I have this huge fear of harm from. The pleasantness of it all just warms me.
It wasn't long before Kathy came out and joined me. She began doing little things out in the yard. Picking up dog poop, playing with Buddy, combing out Lucky Lu and Torries fur and while she was doing all this I shared with her what I was feeling and we began talking about all we have to be grateful for.
During all this I had a profound sense of Graditude and began thinking about all the things we have together as a couple and a family. I shared out loud with Kathy that the politicians and the religious right can take what they want and they are trying to BUT the one thing they WILL and can NEVER take is our LOVE, COMMITMENT, MARRIAGE and our FAMILY from us. This gives me such a sense of GRADITUDE.
This is my life as I know it in Jillsville.
Friday, September 16, 2011
SHORT AND SWEET
Some of you may think I am speaking of my wife Kathy with this blog post title. Well the fact is that my wife is short and sweet. I Love You Sweetie! In actuality I am speaking about my passion for Equal Rights for EVERYONE. That is the SHORT AND SWEET of it all.
If I offend anyone with my comments or facebook status well that is just too bad. Because I am offended and hurt by all this political jabbing with my life and the life of a good many people who I love and care about, this includes those I don't even know.
Why should strangers be able to vote on the marriage of a small group of people they don't even know? I wasn't allowed to vote on their marriage not that I would have wanted to. This is where my passion for Equality comes into play. People should be able to marry the ONE they choose as long as both are mature consenting single adults and they should not be ridiculed for it.
The United States Constitution states FREEDOM and JUSTICE for all. Well where is the FREEDOM to marry and the JUSTICE for all where we - SAME SEX- couples are concerned?!
I Love My Wife Kathy, my Friends both heterosexual and homosexual, my Family and my Life.
Life is too short for so many to hate and fear so few. Please help us have a voice.
VOTE NO ON AMENDMENT ONE IN MAY 2012 IN NORTH CAROLINA.
If I offend anyone with my comments or facebook status well that is just too bad. Because I am offended and hurt by all this political jabbing with my life and the life of a good many people who I love and care about, this includes those I don't even know.
Why should strangers be able to vote on the marriage of a small group of people they don't even know? I wasn't allowed to vote on their marriage not that I would have wanted to. This is where my passion for Equality comes into play. People should be able to marry the ONE they choose as long as both are mature consenting single adults and they should not be ridiculed for it.
The United States Constitution states FREEDOM and JUSTICE for all. Well where is the FREEDOM to marry and the JUSTICE for all where we - SAME SEX- couples are concerned?!
I Love My Wife Kathy, my Friends both heterosexual and homosexual, my Family and my Life.
Life is too short for so many to hate and fear so few. Please help us have a voice.
VOTE NO ON AMENDMENT ONE IN MAY 2012 IN NORTH CAROLINA.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Life As I Know It In Jillsville: BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS VOTE
This is such a dark and sad day in North Carolina. My thoughts today have been about the Senate and House votes on what is referred to as the Anti-LGBT Amendment. Both the Senate and the House have voted to allow this amendment to go to the voters. The only catch is that the date they {The Republican's of course} have chosen is on their primary voting date in May 2012. There is SO much to consider here. My thoughts and questions to ponder about all this are as follows:
FIRST: What gives a majority group of people the right to vote on a minority group of people's basic human rights?
SECOND: The constitution is here to protect people is it NOT? So why is there going to be a vote to allow discrimination against a minority group of people?
THIRD: There is already a LAW banning same-sex marriage in the state of North Carolina. So why put this on the ballot or in our NC constitution at all?
FOURTH: Wasn't this such a waste of tax payer money to have this "special session?"
FIFTH: At ONE time weren't the conservatives all about NOT intruding on other peoples lives? Perhaps that was the old conservative way.
SIXTH: How are the young homosexual children going to feel about seeing all the negative ads that the so called christian's are going to have on TV?
There could come a time when there could be a constitutional amendment to ban the consumption of shrimp and shell fish in this state since the Bible clearly states eating them is WRONG according to Leviticus 11:9-12 and Deuteronomy 14:9-10. Not that I am a Bible thumper because I am not. However I do have homosexual friends that are. Imagine that!
I could just go on and on about this subject but why should I? How can anyone truly believe that this is Gods Will?
There you have it thoughts from Jillsville.
FIRST: What gives a majority group of people the right to vote on a minority group of people's basic human rights?
SECOND: The constitution is here to protect people is it NOT? So why is there going to be a vote to allow discrimination against a minority group of people?
THIRD: There is already a LAW banning same-sex marriage in the state of North Carolina. So why put this on the ballot or in our NC constitution at all?
FOURTH: Wasn't this such a waste of tax payer money to have this "special session?"
FIFTH: At ONE time weren't the conservatives all about NOT intruding on other peoples lives? Perhaps that was the old conservative way.
SIXTH: How are the young homosexual children going to feel about seeing all the negative ads that the so called christian's are going to have on TV?
There could come a time when there could be a constitutional amendment to ban the consumption of shrimp and shell fish in this state since the Bible clearly states eating them is WRONG according to Leviticus 11:9-12 and Deuteronomy 14:9-10. Not that I am a Bible thumper because I am not. However I do have homosexual friends that are. Imagine that!
I could just go on and on about this subject but why should I? How can anyone truly believe that this is Gods Will?
There you have it thoughts from Jillsville.
BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS VOTE
This is such a dark and sad day in North Carolina. My thoughts today have been about the Senate and House votes on what is referred to as the Anti-LGBT Amendment. Both the Senate and the House have voted to allow this amendment to go to the voters. The only catch is that the date they {The Republican's of course} have chosen is on their primary voting date in May 2012. There is SO much to consider here. My thoughts and questions to ponder about all this are as follows:
FIRST: What gives a majority group of people the right to vote on a minority group of people's basic human rights?
SECOND: The constitution is here to protect people is it NOT? So why is there going to be a vote to allow discrimination against a minority group of people?
THIRD: There is already a LAW banning same-sex marriage in the state of North Carolina. So why put this on the ballot or in our NC constitution at all?
FOURTH: Wasn't this such a waste of tax payer money to have this "special session?"
FIFTH: At ONE time weren't the conservatives all about NOT intruding on other peoples lives? Perhaps that was the old conservative way.
SIXTH: How are the young homosexual children going to feel about seeing all the negative ads that the so called christian's are going to have on TV?
There could come a time when there could be a constitutional amendment to ban the consumption of shrimp and shell fish in this state since the Bible clearly states eating them is WRONG according to Leviticus 11:9-12 and Deuteronomy 14:9-10. Not that I am a Bible thumper because I am not. However I do have homosexual friends that are. Imagine that!
I could just go on and on about this subject but why should I? How can anyone truly believe that this is Gods Will?
There you have it thoughts from Jillsville.
FIRST: What gives a majority group of people the right to vote on a minority group of people's basic human rights?
SECOND: The constitution is here to protect people is it NOT? So why is there going to be a vote to allow discrimination against a minority group of people?
THIRD: There is already a LAW banning same-sex marriage in the state of North Carolina. So why put this on the ballot or in our NC constitution at all?
FOURTH: Wasn't this such a waste of tax payer money to have this "special session?"
FIFTH: At ONE time weren't the conservatives all about NOT intruding on other peoples lives? Perhaps that was the old conservative way.
SIXTH: How are the young homosexual children going to feel about seeing all the negative ads that the so called christian's are going to have on TV?
There could come a time when there could be a constitutional amendment to ban the consumption of shrimp and shell fish in this state since the Bible clearly states eating them is WRONG according to Leviticus 11:9-12 and Deuteronomy 14:9-10. Not that I am a Bible thumper because I am not. However I do have homosexual friends that are. Imagine that!
I could just go on and on about this subject but why should I? How can anyone truly believe that this is Gods Will?
There you have it thoughts from Jillsville.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Jillsville's Rules For Driving
Driving in Jillsville is such an art of the highest magnitude. I have my own set of road rules and if you cross me LOOK OUT. That being said I am NOT one of those crazy road rage fanatics. Of course my wife Kathy would say differently.
To begin with driving on the beltline is NOT for the weak or faint of heart. Kathy for one HATES to drive on the beltline...I don't really mind. I travel this same route on the beltline every morning that I go to work. My idea is that some, no scratch that, most of those folks that drive this same route with me in the morning have NO glue how to drive on the beltline. First off there are 3 lanes. Now under my rules for beltline driving the right lane is for the drivers that go under the speed limit. Which by the way on the beltline is 60 mph. So that means that the right lane is for those that go either 60 mph or under. Now the middle lane are for those who go slightly above the speed limit or around 65 mph. The far left lane...Now this is where I have an issue...The far left lane or inside lane as some refer to it as...is for those like myself who want to go a bit faster.. say around 70 or 75 mph. Now what gripes my ass are those people that go 70 or 75 mph in the middle lane...and you know who you are! Now when Kathy is in the car with me I drive in the middle lane following my middle lane Jillsville rules. The first time that I drove Kathy in my car on the beltline we were dating at the time and I was in the left lane following my Jillsville rules...I wasn't sure that I was going to get her clasped hand from around the panic handle. So there you have it...
Now for parking in Jillsville. I always try to back into my parking space whenever I can do so. That way I can make a quick get away. Of course, I am not sure what I am getting away from but there ya go...that is my Jillsville reasoning at work for ya. My comment when Kathy is in the car is always {you will thank me for this later}. Well this morning when we went to UU Fellowship I was beginning my backing into the parking space routine and causing a huge back up of traffic as I was trying to maneuver my vehicle into this tight space and as always I made the comment {you will thank me for this later} well this morning her reply was {you say that every time you do this and I have NEVER wanted to or will ever thank you for doing this}.
Now once we came to a stop in this parking space the person seated in the back seat of the car parked next to us rolled down her window and said would you mind moving your car over a bit because I have a baby in here that I need more room in order to get him out of the car. So once again I started up my car and before I began to pulled up and over I had noticed that Mutti, Kathy's mother, had gotten out of the car and started to walk away so Kathy jumped out and crapped her hand and walked with her to get out of my way. Now my thoughts in my Jillsville head were...good thing I had backed in otherwise I would not have seen Mutti getting out of the car. Kathy's thoughts were much different...I could see it in her face...
Another Jillsville rule that I have is that when someone honks at me, no matter what the reason, I honk back and wave. Now this morning while on the beltline coming home from UU Fellowship we were traveling in the right lane because we were going to be exiting fairly soon to the right. I was following all the Jillsville right lane rules at the time and when my exit came I turned on my signal and began the right lane exit when all of a sudden out of no where came this single HORN blow and this car passed us, driving at a speed that was not conducive to the Jillsville driving rules for the right lane I might add. So I simply honked once and waved as he passed. Kathy once again gave me THE LOOK and said now why did you do that? My answer was because he did it first.
Now the last Jillsville driving rule that I have is simply move over when there is in coming traffic from the ramp onto the beltline. So many times when I am leaving my work or coming to work and entering the beltline there is a back up where the ramp meets the beltline simply because people aren't following the Jillsville rule of beltline ramp driving which is to MOVE over and let the traffic from the ramp come on the beltline.
Now if everyone followed these simple Jillsville driving rules life would be so much better for ME. Such is life in Jillsville.
To begin with driving on the beltline is NOT for the weak or faint of heart. Kathy for one HATES to drive on the beltline...I don't really mind. I travel this same route on the beltline every morning that I go to work. My idea is that some, no scratch that, most of those folks that drive this same route with me in the morning have NO glue how to drive on the beltline. First off there are 3 lanes. Now under my rules for beltline driving the right lane is for the drivers that go under the speed limit. Which by the way on the beltline is 60 mph. So that means that the right lane is for those that go either 60 mph or under. Now the middle lane are for those who go slightly above the speed limit or around 65 mph. The far left lane...Now this is where I have an issue...The far left lane or inside lane as some refer to it as...is for those like myself who want to go a bit faster.. say around 70 or 75 mph. Now what gripes my ass are those people that go 70 or 75 mph in the middle lane...and you know who you are! Now when Kathy is in the car with me I drive in the middle lane following my middle lane Jillsville rules. The first time that I drove Kathy in my car on the beltline we were dating at the time and I was in the left lane following my Jillsville rules...I wasn't sure that I was going to get her clasped hand from around the panic handle. So there you have it...
Now for parking in Jillsville. I always try to back into my parking space whenever I can do so. That way I can make a quick get away. Of course, I am not sure what I am getting away from but there ya go...that is my Jillsville reasoning at work for ya. My comment when Kathy is in the car is always {you will thank me for this later}. Well this morning when we went to UU Fellowship I was beginning my backing into the parking space routine and causing a huge back up of traffic as I was trying to maneuver my vehicle into this tight space and as always I made the comment {you will thank me for this later} well this morning her reply was {you say that every time you do this and I have NEVER wanted to or will ever thank you for doing this}.
Now once we came to a stop in this parking space the person seated in the back seat of the car parked next to us rolled down her window and said would you mind moving your car over a bit because I have a baby in here that I need more room in order to get him out of the car. So once again I started up my car and before I began to pulled up and over I had noticed that Mutti, Kathy's mother, had gotten out of the car and started to walk away so Kathy jumped out and crapped her hand and walked with her to get out of my way. Now my thoughts in my Jillsville head were...good thing I had backed in otherwise I would not have seen Mutti getting out of the car. Kathy's thoughts were much different...I could see it in her face...
Another Jillsville rule that I have is that when someone honks at me, no matter what the reason, I honk back and wave. Now this morning while on the beltline coming home from UU Fellowship we were traveling in the right lane because we were going to be exiting fairly soon to the right. I was following all the Jillsville right lane rules at the time and when my exit came I turned on my signal and began the right lane exit when all of a sudden out of no where came this single HORN blow and this car passed us, driving at a speed that was not conducive to the Jillsville driving rules for the right lane I might add. So I simply honked once and waved as he passed. Kathy once again gave me THE LOOK and said now why did you do that? My answer was because he did it first.
Now the last Jillsville driving rule that I have is simply move over when there is in coming traffic from the ramp onto the beltline. So many times when I am leaving my work or coming to work and entering the beltline there is a back up where the ramp meets the beltline simply because people aren't following the Jillsville rule of beltline ramp driving which is to MOVE over and let the traffic from the ramp come on the beltline.
Now if everyone followed these simple Jillsville driving rules life would be so much better for ME. Such is life in Jillsville.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Scrambled Brain Syndrome
This past week I have been dealing with health issues. My crohn's disease has been in a bit of a flare up. I have been taking antibiotics for some type of red bump on my chest. Also I am experiencing lower back pain. It seems that whenever these health issues happen and I spend time out of work this often leads to the scrambled brain syndrome.
My wife Kathy seems to find some amusing and playful pleasure from this scrambled brain syndrome of mine. The thoughts that I am thinking come out of my mouth differently than what the original thoughts are...see what I mean. Just writing these words down I get confused.
Example...just yesterday we were sitting out on the bench in the backyard talking about the red bump on my chest...my comment was that the Doctor said I can stop taking the antibiotics when the red bump begins to go away...her response was...OH NO..the Doctor said you can stop taking the antibiotics when the red bump is gone. The confusion of course is all mine.
Another example was this morning when I went into work for just a short time..a co-worker made the comment about one of our male docs not feeling well...I returned a comment that I hope she feels better...now in my scrambled brain...I heard my co-worker say her daughters name..when in fact she didn't..The confusion is all mine.
There have been many examples of this scrambled brain syndrome...but I am just too scrambled to remember at this time. I am sure that none of you have had this phenomenon.
Life is good here in Jillsville..
My wife Kathy seems to find some amusing and playful pleasure from this scrambled brain syndrome of mine. The thoughts that I am thinking come out of my mouth differently than what the original thoughts are...see what I mean. Just writing these words down I get confused.
Example...just yesterday we were sitting out on the bench in the backyard talking about the red bump on my chest...my comment was that the Doctor said I can stop taking the antibiotics when the red bump begins to go away...her response was...OH NO..the Doctor said you can stop taking the antibiotics when the red bump is gone. The confusion of course is all mine.
Another example was this morning when I went into work for just a short time..a co-worker made the comment about one of our male docs not feeling well...I returned a comment that I hope she feels better...now in my scrambled brain...I heard my co-worker say her daughters name..when in fact she didn't..The confusion is all mine.
There have been many examples of this scrambled brain syndrome...but I am just too scrambled to remember at this time. I am sure that none of you have had this phenomenon.
Life is good here in Jillsville..
Friday, August 19, 2011
My Health and My Life
I recall when I went to my surgical clinic to have shoulder surgery the anesthesia doc said to me, after reading my chart, you sure are healthy to have such health issues. That was about 4 years ago and not much has changed for me since then...
In 1981 I began loosing weight very quickly. I went from 130 lbs down to 98 lbs within a week. I was literally going at both ends. The docs in my hometown of Southern Pines weren't sure what was going on so they sent me to UNC Chapel Hill...Go Tarheels!...That is where I met a wonderful Doctor as well as human being Dr. Douglas Drossman. He was a fellow at the time with the (GastroIntestinal) clinic aka GI clinic. We hit it off instantly. He is such an amazing person. He brought me out of many many close calls with my health and he still does. He diagnosed me, with my first health ailment, Crohn's Disease. I was 21 years old.
Crohn's Disease is an inflammation of the colon. In other words I have ulcers in my colon. Back before I got sober it seems that my Crohn's Disease was always active. It never occurred to me that the alcohol irritated my disease as much as it did. At one time they believed that it was inherited from generation to generation to the first born child. My bio Dad's older brother had it so I am told and since I was the first born of my bio Dad's I have it. But now they are saying that is not so. It does tend to run in families but they just don't know why at this time.
For many years we treated the Crohn's Disease with medications such as Prednisone, Antibiotics such as Flagyl, Cipro and last but not least Sulphazaline which I am still taking and have for many years. My disease still flares up now and again. In fact, right now it is flaring but not as bad as it has in the past. Last year it flared up really bad. I was on both Flagyl and Cipro. I had to go on FMLA for 3 months. This was during the time Kathy and I went to Nova Scotia Canada to get married. Doctor D did allow me to go off the antibiotics 2 days before we got married. Thank Goodness.
In 1990 my second ailment came to life when I realized that my life had become unmanageable and unhealthy for me. The drinking and drugging had taken it's toll on my body. I had family members that were in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). I started going to open speaker meetings with them and realized that this is where I belonged. So I picked up a white chip at one of the speaker meetings and I surrendered myself to AA and a whole new life journey. I would probably be dead had I not done this. My HP aka God has certainly been with me all along in my life.
In 1995 my third ailment came in the shape of a small lump on my breast. I was camping with my folks when I was in the shower and felt a lump on the side of my breast. It felt like a frozen pea. Immediately I went to the doctor when we got home. They did an ultrasound and mammogram. Then on my birthday they did a biopsy. Yup on my birthday I found out that I had Breast Cancer. It was one of those moments when it felt as though I was in a tunnel when the doc called me with the news. I could hear him talk but he sounded so far away. After hanging up with the doctor I grabbed my mother and held on tight. No tears at that time but just disbelief. I felt as though I was a deer caught in the headlights. My mother cried and held me tighter and tighter. Then I called my family one after the other beginning with the mother of my heart Aunt Shirley. I have always and will always believe in strength in numbers. The more people that knew the more prayers and support for me. Which is what I wanted and needed.
I opted for the lumpectomy. So we scheduled the surgery. They did a lymph node biopsy also which is standard procedure and one out of 8 came back positive. As my surgeon said, One Damn Lymph node. He spoke with a lisp which just gave me a bit of humor of the whole situation. Since there was a positive lymph node that meant chemotherapy along with radiation. So it began.
Having Crohn's Disease complicated my treatment for Breast Cancer. They had to sandwich in my chemo with the radiation. I can't remember how they did it...but it took a while. I remember the only time I cried was when they were marking me for the radiation. They had me in a dark room all alone on a table with only one beam of light shining on my breast. At that moment tears streamed down my face. I realized the gravity of what was going on with my body. I have always felt that I had to be strong for everyone else in my life. That was the first time that I could feel my feelings.
Two of the disease miracles in my life came in 1998 my Crohn's Disease had come to the point where we needed to remove part of my colon because it had become so diseased. While doing a cat scan they found that the cancer had metastasized on my lung. So the first miracle was that the cat scan showed a "shadow" on the screen. Mom and I were sitting in the waiting room watching doctor after doctor go in the room. Later Dr. D had told us that they were reading the images and seeing this "shadow" and not knowing what was going on they realized that it was showing cancer. The other miracle was that since I had been on chemo for so long the colon was not as diseased as it once was. First we had to get the cancer under control with Tamoxifen. Then the colon surgery happened in 2000 to remove a small section of colon.
During the years I have had many health ailments. Some tough some rough some just plain annoying. I try to find some type of humor in things around me. The emotional turmoil in my life growing up added to alot of my health problems. Today with my wife things have calmed down within my family life with her. Outside of our family life is my family of origin. That is where much of my health issues are today. So I am trying to balance my life by having a good healthy regimen of eating healthy, exercising, therapy and trying not to stress. It is so hard for me because I have always thought that I HAVE to be the one that people lean on and the one that people come to for support. I am learning little by little that I NEED support which I get every single day from my wife Kathy Bundy and her family. Also from my close network of friends you know who you are. And from some family members. The mother of my heart Aunt Shirley and some cousins.
Life should be good because we only get ONE chance at it. I am truly working hard to have that one good chance at my life.
In 1981 I began loosing weight very quickly. I went from 130 lbs down to 98 lbs within a week. I was literally going at both ends. The docs in my hometown of Southern Pines weren't sure what was going on so they sent me to UNC Chapel Hill...Go Tarheels!...That is where I met a wonderful Doctor as well as human being Dr. Douglas Drossman. He was a fellow at the time with the (GastroIntestinal) clinic aka GI clinic. We hit it off instantly. He is such an amazing person. He brought me out of many many close calls with my health and he still does. He diagnosed me, with my first health ailment, Crohn's Disease. I was 21 years old.
Crohn's Disease is an inflammation of the colon. In other words I have ulcers in my colon. Back before I got sober it seems that my Crohn's Disease was always active. It never occurred to me that the alcohol irritated my disease as much as it did. At one time they believed that it was inherited from generation to generation to the first born child. My bio Dad's older brother had it so I am told and since I was the first born of my bio Dad's I have it. But now they are saying that is not so. It does tend to run in families but they just don't know why at this time.
For many years we treated the Crohn's Disease with medications such as Prednisone, Antibiotics such as Flagyl, Cipro and last but not least Sulphazaline which I am still taking and have for many years. My disease still flares up now and again. In fact, right now it is flaring but not as bad as it has in the past. Last year it flared up really bad. I was on both Flagyl and Cipro. I had to go on FMLA for 3 months. This was during the time Kathy and I went to Nova Scotia Canada to get married. Doctor D did allow me to go off the antibiotics 2 days before we got married. Thank Goodness.
In 1990 my second ailment came to life when I realized that my life had become unmanageable and unhealthy for me. The drinking and drugging had taken it's toll on my body. I had family members that were in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). I started going to open speaker meetings with them and realized that this is where I belonged. So I picked up a white chip at one of the speaker meetings and I surrendered myself to AA and a whole new life journey. I would probably be dead had I not done this. My HP aka God has certainly been with me all along in my life.
In 1995 my third ailment came in the shape of a small lump on my breast. I was camping with my folks when I was in the shower and felt a lump on the side of my breast. It felt like a frozen pea. Immediately I went to the doctor when we got home. They did an ultrasound and mammogram. Then on my birthday they did a biopsy. Yup on my birthday I found out that I had Breast Cancer. It was one of those moments when it felt as though I was in a tunnel when the doc called me with the news. I could hear him talk but he sounded so far away. After hanging up with the doctor I grabbed my mother and held on tight. No tears at that time but just disbelief. I felt as though I was a deer caught in the headlights. My mother cried and held me tighter and tighter. Then I called my family one after the other beginning with the mother of my heart Aunt Shirley. I have always and will always believe in strength in numbers. The more people that knew the more prayers and support for me. Which is what I wanted and needed.
I opted for the lumpectomy. So we scheduled the surgery. They did a lymph node biopsy also which is standard procedure and one out of 8 came back positive. As my surgeon said, One Damn Lymph node. He spoke with a lisp which just gave me a bit of humor of the whole situation. Since there was a positive lymph node that meant chemotherapy along with radiation. So it began.
Having Crohn's Disease complicated my treatment for Breast Cancer. They had to sandwich in my chemo with the radiation. I can't remember how they did it...but it took a while. I remember the only time I cried was when they were marking me for the radiation. They had me in a dark room all alone on a table with only one beam of light shining on my breast. At that moment tears streamed down my face. I realized the gravity of what was going on with my body. I have always felt that I had to be strong for everyone else in my life. That was the first time that I could feel my feelings.
Two of the disease miracles in my life came in 1998 my Crohn's Disease had come to the point where we needed to remove part of my colon because it had become so diseased. While doing a cat scan they found that the cancer had metastasized on my lung. So the first miracle was that the cat scan showed a "shadow" on the screen. Mom and I were sitting in the waiting room watching doctor after doctor go in the room. Later Dr. D had told us that they were reading the images and seeing this "shadow" and not knowing what was going on they realized that it was showing cancer. The other miracle was that since I had been on chemo for so long the colon was not as diseased as it once was. First we had to get the cancer under control with Tamoxifen. Then the colon surgery happened in 2000 to remove a small section of colon.
During the years I have had many health ailments. Some tough some rough some just plain annoying. I try to find some type of humor in things around me. The emotional turmoil in my life growing up added to alot of my health problems. Today with my wife things have calmed down within my family life with her. Outside of our family life is my family of origin. That is where much of my health issues are today. So I am trying to balance my life by having a good healthy regimen of eating healthy, exercising, therapy and trying not to stress. It is so hard for me because I have always thought that I HAVE to be the one that people lean on and the one that people come to for support. I am learning little by little that I NEED support which I get every single day from my wife Kathy Bundy and her family. Also from my close network of friends you know who you are. And from some family members. The mother of my heart Aunt Shirley and some cousins.
Life should be good because we only get ONE chance at it. I am truly working hard to have that one good chance at my life.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Only Child with Siblings
Being with Kathy and her family has been a blessing on so many levels. One of which is the fact that she has siblings. She has 2 sisters and a brother that she has grown up with and grown old with. It reminds me of just how lonely I was growing up as an only child. This is my story of how I came to find out that I was an only child with siblings.
The small town that I grew up in contained a huge chunk of my family. My maternal Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins all of whom I LOVE very deeply and are all on my mothers side of the family. The family tree is a pretty good size one since my mother had 8 siblings. I never knew her oldest brother because he died at age 7 of pneumonia. He died before my mom was born so she did not know him either. At any rate growing up I always had plenty of family around. A whole bunch of cousins. Yet I always felt lonely. Never having siblings to play with, fight with or spend time with.
When I was sixteen I came across a letter that my biological father wrote to my mother asking about me and other grown up things concerning grown up financial things. Stuff that I did not understand at the time. I took the letter so I could get the return address in order to write my own letter to my bio Dad. That began a dialogue between the two of us. He sent me a picture of himself and I cherished it. My Mom found out that I was writing to my Dad and was hurt because I did not tell her about it. So I stopped writing for a while. After a few years went by we reconnected.
It was about this time that I found out that I had another brother. The circumstances that led to this revelation is a story in and of itself that I just don't want to get into with this blog. It seems that my mother had a son that she gave up for adoption a few months before she met and married my step-father. This was a very emotional time for all concerned. My Mom said she didn't want to say anything to me until I was older and she didn't want to find her son because she didn't want to disturb his life. So things just settled down after that and nothing else was said about my little Brother.
Life went on...After I Graduated from the community college I moved to Chapel Hill. This is when my Bio Dad and I reconnected. I was 21 at this point in time. I called and I went to him in Virginia where he lived and we spent the day together getting to know eachother. It was a great day. The next time we met I spent the weekend with him and his family. This is when I met my two sibs. My Sister and my Brother. We were all so young. My bio Dad and I corresponded a lot over the next couple years. Then we lost contact. It was all me. I was so young and so confused about alot of things.
I left Chapel Hill a few years later and moved back to my small hometown. It wasn't until years later that we got a certified letter from my Mothers son, my other Brother. We made arrangements for him to come to us in our small town and meet. That was about eight years ago and we still have contact through facebook and texting. My brother has two sons. I have two nephews. He has since married and has another son. So now I have 3 nephews and a sister-in-law whom I haven't met yet. I hope to remedy that soon.
Now back to my other sibs. It was several years until I heard from my bio Dad's kids. I am not exactly sure how it came about...but contact was made. I think my sister sent me her high school graduation picture along with a note. At any rate we communicated with each other off and on for a few years. Then my sister and I met for dinner when she lived here in Greensboro before she went to Colorado, where she met and married her husband and they have a daughter. It was much later when I met my brother. He lives in Atlanta with his wife and 3 kids.
Now my sibs and I communicate through Facebook. I now have one sister and two brothers. Between the three of them I have 2 nieces and 6 nephews. Life is good!
The small town that I grew up in contained a huge chunk of my family. My maternal Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins all of whom I LOVE very deeply and are all on my mothers side of the family. The family tree is a pretty good size one since my mother had 8 siblings. I never knew her oldest brother because he died at age 7 of pneumonia. He died before my mom was born so she did not know him either. At any rate growing up I always had plenty of family around. A whole bunch of cousins. Yet I always felt lonely. Never having siblings to play with, fight with or spend time with.
When I was sixteen I came across a letter that my biological father wrote to my mother asking about me and other grown up things concerning grown up financial things. Stuff that I did not understand at the time. I took the letter so I could get the return address in order to write my own letter to my bio Dad. That began a dialogue between the two of us. He sent me a picture of himself and I cherished it. My Mom found out that I was writing to my Dad and was hurt because I did not tell her about it. So I stopped writing for a while. After a few years went by we reconnected.
It was about this time that I found out that I had another brother. The circumstances that led to this revelation is a story in and of itself that I just don't want to get into with this blog. It seems that my mother had a son that she gave up for adoption a few months before she met and married my step-father. This was a very emotional time for all concerned. My Mom said she didn't want to say anything to me until I was older and she didn't want to find her son because she didn't want to disturb his life. So things just settled down after that and nothing else was said about my little Brother.
Life went on...After I Graduated from the community college I moved to Chapel Hill. This is when my Bio Dad and I reconnected. I was 21 at this point in time. I called and I went to him in Virginia where he lived and we spent the day together getting to know eachother. It was a great day. The next time we met I spent the weekend with him and his family. This is when I met my two sibs. My Sister and my Brother. We were all so young. My bio Dad and I corresponded a lot over the next couple years. Then we lost contact. It was all me. I was so young and so confused about alot of things.
I left Chapel Hill a few years later and moved back to my small hometown. It wasn't until years later that we got a certified letter from my Mothers son, my other Brother. We made arrangements for him to come to us in our small town and meet. That was about eight years ago and we still have contact through facebook and texting. My brother has two sons. I have two nephews. He has since married and has another son. So now I have 3 nephews and a sister-in-law whom I haven't met yet. I hope to remedy that soon.
Now back to my other sibs. It was several years until I heard from my bio Dad's kids. I am not exactly sure how it came about...but contact was made. I think my sister sent me her high school graduation picture along with a note. At any rate we communicated with each other off and on for a few years. Then my sister and I met for dinner when she lived here in Greensboro before she went to Colorado, where she met and married her husband and they have a daughter. It was much later when I met my brother. He lives in Atlanta with his wife and 3 kids.
Now my sibs and I communicate through Facebook. I now have one sister and two brothers. Between the three of them I have 2 nieces and 6 nephews. Life is good!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Christians and Homosexuality = ?
These are my thoughts and feelings...Remember this is Jillsville...
Okay so HOLD on tight here it goes...I am MAD and FRUSTRATED by these so called CHRISTIANS!
The definition of Christian as stated in the Google dictionary is as follows: Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.
I am certainly NO expert on the Christian attitude because I am questioning the whole idea of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, it is so hard for me to imagine that a Father would send his only son to die for people and their own sins. Now having said that please understand I do believe in a Higher Power whom I choose to call GOD {Good Orderly Direction}.
As a child going to a Christian church I grew up hearing stories of what a great man Jesus Christ was and how he NEVER judged anyone and NEVER discriminated against any one person or group of people. My thoughts are that he would be hanging his head in disgust and disbelief with how some people are treating others that are not living as the majority of folks. Love is Love and People are People. My beliefs now are leaning toward Jesus being a saint that walked the earth a long time ago..doing good and helping deeds for others and definitely NOT being judgmental and hateful against those that are different from the mainstream.
This book called the Bible was written a long time ago by a group of men and I don't care what anyone says...NO ONE follows the Bible completely. Also some so called Christians use the wording in the Bible to promote their own HATE on a minority group called Homosexuals. Granted everyone has their right to believe what they want to believe about Homosexuals...but to "cherry pick" and use quotes in the Bible for their HATE or DISLIKE of this group of individuals is just WRONG. Also to discriminate against a minority of human beings is JUST wrong and so UN CHRIST like. In my humble opinion.
Harvey Milk, one of my personal heroes of the civil rights movement, once said "The fact is that more people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friend is the true perversion." He said this probably back in the 1970's shortly before he was assassinated by a co-worker simply because he was a homosexual.
Now the American Republicans and the Tea Party politicians are doing what they ALWAYS do before an election..they promote HATE in the name of Christianity. This gets their BASE all heated up and this causes nothing but trouble for a minority of people known as Homosexuals. I get so tired and frustrated with this line of action by this group of politicians. There are SO many other issues that are so much more relevant to our society and to our country.
All the postings that I have put up concerning Attacks on Homosexuals. I have FB friends posting comment such as: well the people that did this should get punished but that should be the case no matter who gets attacked. They of course are missing the whole point. Homosexuals are the ones that get attacked frequently because of the way we live and the fear that others feel toward us for some crazy reason or another. Also some FB comments are why should we have HATE CRIME legislation for "those people?" Or why should we have a law against BULLYING? Well the fact is that Homosexuals do get the worst of the legal deal. We NEED these HATE CRIME bills and the laws against BULLYING. The whole point behind me posting these examples are that Homosexuals DO get beat up and murdered simply because they are different. This NEEDS to change and the change begins with PEOPLE.
I have also put up postings about Same-Sex marriage. Some of my FB friends have said things like oh Jill...You and Kathy love each other that is all the matters..Well NO that is NOT all that matters and these well meaning friends just infuriate me even more with these, what I feel are, flip comments. We have the Republican and Tea Party politicians Santorum, Bachmann, Pawlenty and Romney that have all signed this so called Marriage Pledge. This is one of the most horrible forms of disgrace and discrimination that I have ever heard of. If you are against Same-Sex marriage that is your prerogative but to actually sign something as horrible and despicable as this and call it a good thing for America is just WRONG. In my opinion.
We should be trying to bring America together NOT keep tearing it apart and that is what these so called "Christians and Christian politcians" are doing they are tearing America apart with their homophobia and hurtful feelings toward a minority group of people called Homosexuals. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Come on Americans stand up and stand proud and stand for EQUALITY FOR ALL.
Okay so HOLD on tight here it goes...I am MAD and FRUSTRATED by these so called CHRISTIANS!
The definition of Christian as stated in the Google dictionary is as follows: Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.
I am certainly NO expert on the Christian attitude because I am questioning the whole idea of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, it is so hard for me to imagine that a Father would send his only son to die for people and their own sins. Now having said that please understand I do believe in a Higher Power whom I choose to call GOD {Good Orderly Direction}.
As a child going to a Christian church I grew up hearing stories of what a great man Jesus Christ was and how he NEVER judged anyone and NEVER discriminated against any one person or group of people. My thoughts are that he would be hanging his head in disgust and disbelief with how some people are treating others that are not living as the majority of folks. Love is Love and People are People. My beliefs now are leaning toward Jesus being a saint that walked the earth a long time ago..doing good and helping deeds for others and definitely NOT being judgmental and hateful against those that are different from the mainstream.
This book called the Bible was written a long time ago by a group of men and I don't care what anyone says...NO ONE follows the Bible completely. Also some so called Christians use the wording in the Bible to promote their own HATE on a minority group called Homosexuals. Granted everyone has their right to believe what they want to believe about Homosexuals...but to "cherry pick" and use quotes in the Bible for their HATE or DISLIKE of this group of individuals is just WRONG. Also to discriminate against a minority of human beings is JUST wrong and so UN CHRIST like. In my humble opinion.
Harvey Milk, one of my personal heroes of the civil rights movement, once said "The fact is that more people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friend is the true perversion." He said this probably back in the 1970's shortly before he was assassinated by a co-worker simply because he was a homosexual.
Now the American Republicans and the Tea Party politicians are doing what they ALWAYS do before an election..they promote HATE in the name of Christianity. This gets their BASE all heated up and this causes nothing but trouble for a minority of people known as Homosexuals. I get so tired and frustrated with this line of action by this group of politicians. There are SO many other issues that are so much more relevant to our society and to our country.
All the postings that I have put up concerning Attacks on Homosexuals. I have FB friends posting comment such as: well the people that did this should get punished but that should be the case no matter who gets attacked. They of course are missing the whole point. Homosexuals are the ones that get attacked frequently because of the way we live and the fear that others feel toward us for some crazy reason or another. Also some FB comments are why should we have HATE CRIME legislation for "those people?" Or why should we have a law against BULLYING? Well the fact is that Homosexuals do get the worst of the legal deal. We NEED these HATE CRIME bills and the laws against BULLYING. The whole point behind me posting these examples are that Homosexuals DO get beat up and murdered simply because they are different. This NEEDS to change and the change begins with PEOPLE.
I have also put up postings about Same-Sex marriage. Some of my FB friends have said things like oh Jill...You and Kathy love each other that is all the matters..Well NO that is NOT all that matters and these well meaning friends just infuriate me even more with these, what I feel are, flip comments. We have the Republican and Tea Party politicians Santorum, Bachmann, Pawlenty and Romney that have all signed this so called Marriage Pledge. This is one of the most horrible forms of disgrace and discrimination that I have ever heard of. If you are against Same-Sex marriage that is your prerogative but to actually sign something as horrible and despicable as this and call it a good thing for America is just WRONG. In my opinion.
We should be trying to bring America together NOT keep tearing it apart and that is what these so called "Christians and Christian politcians" are doing they are tearing America apart with their homophobia and hurtful feelings toward a minority group of people called Homosexuals. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Come on Americans stand up and stand proud and stand for EQUALITY FOR ALL.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Hot Dogs and Alzheimer's
So last night was one of those nights where I got THE LOOK from Kathy. It seems there was a wad of something black on the floor. I thought perhaps it was the dreaded huge hair ball in my path on the rug in the bedroom. So I said something to Kathy while at the same time going into the bathroom to get some toilet paper in order to pick up the wad of whatever it was on the rug. By the time I got back to where it was Kathy had picked it up..in her bare hands. EwEw..She saw me with the toilet paper and said what are you doing??? Along with the comment was THE LOOK and then the snicker...I preceded to give her the toilet paper and left her to the disposal of whatever it was. She said it was a wad of lint...sure ... I am NOT buying it...
Buddy was wide open this morning as usual. He had plenty of Buddy kisses for us when we woke up and started to move in the bed. We didn't take him to the dog park like we usually do on Friday's. But he seemed okay with it. We did spend alot of time with Mutti today.
Today started at The Heritage a senior living community where Kathy's Mom, whom I affectionately call Mutti, lives. We awoke early and the three of us took a brisk walk around the block. While we walked Mutti would kick whatever was in her path, pine cones, gum balls, or rocks. She also began whistling. I was not sure at what or why. She just looked into the wooded areas and whistled with intent and passion. Well it seems that she was talking to the birds with her whistling. I found all of this very entertaining and amusing also very thought provoking. I learn so much from Mutti each and every time that I am around her. She lives in the moment and cherishes each and every one of those moments with her smile and her grace. This week has been interesting because we have spent alot of time together. Last night someone came up to our table while we were having dinner and asked Mutti is this your family...well Mutti put her arm out and touched Kathy on the shoulder and said this is my daughter Kathy. Then she looked over at me and said this is a very very special friend of the family Jill. My heart fell just a bit. Unbeknownst to me later on when I left the table to fetch us some coffee Kathy leaned over to her and said Mom you can say that Jill is your daughter or daughter-in-law. This disease is very baffling at times because Mutti not to long before this incident knew who I was and what "part" that I play in the family so to speak.
Today was The Heritage fundraiser for Alzheimer's. It was Hot Dog Day. We sat outside under a big umbrella at one of the many tables on the patio and enjoyed our Hot Dog. We took many pictures of the event. It was a good time and Mutti seemed to be present for the most part.
Tonight we have a play to go that Barb her youngest daughter is in. It is the female version of The Odd Couple. We are suppose to meet Mutti for dinner over at The Heritage and then head out to the play. I can't wait to see what adventures await us...
Buddy was wide open this morning as usual. He had plenty of Buddy kisses for us when we woke up and started to move in the bed. We didn't take him to the dog park like we usually do on Friday's. But he seemed okay with it. We did spend alot of time with Mutti today.
Today started at The Heritage a senior living community where Kathy's Mom, whom I affectionately call Mutti, lives. We awoke early and the three of us took a brisk walk around the block. While we walked Mutti would kick whatever was in her path, pine cones, gum balls, or rocks. She also began whistling. I was not sure at what or why. She just looked into the wooded areas and whistled with intent and passion. Well it seems that she was talking to the birds with her whistling. I found all of this very entertaining and amusing also very thought provoking. I learn so much from Mutti each and every time that I am around her. She lives in the moment and cherishes each and every one of those moments with her smile and her grace. This week has been interesting because we have spent alot of time together. Last night someone came up to our table while we were having dinner and asked Mutti is this your family...well Mutti put her arm out and touched Kathy on the shoulder and said this is my daughter Kathy. Then she looked over at me and said this is a very very special friend of the family Jill. My heart fell just a bit. Unbeknownst to me later on when I left the table to fetch us some coffee Kathy leaned over to her and said Mom you can say that Jill is your daughter or daughter-in-law. This disease is very baffling at times because Mutti not to long before this incident knew who I was and what "part" that I play in the family so to speak.
Today was The Heritage fundraiser for Alzheimer's. It was Hot Dog Day. We sat outside under a big umbrella at one of the many tables on the patio and enjoyed our Hot Dog. We took many pictures of the event. It was a good time and Mutti seemed to be present for the most part.
Tonight we have a play to go that Barb her youngest daughter is in. It is the female version of The Odd Couple. We are suppose to meet Mutti for dinner over at The Heritage and then head out to the play. I can't wait to see what adventures await us...
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Life As I Know It In Jillsville: My Life In Jillsville
Just a note to let you know that I am NOT the writer in the family the writer in the family is my wife Kathy. So this is my disclaimer the following blog will contain many grammar and comma mistakes so don’t be surprised to find a few along the way. I guess I should have paid more attention in English class while I was in school. Of course I did marry a woman who is a person who knows her English and a school teacher.
So I made my way to Raleigh in 2001 from the town of Southern Pines where I was born and raised and where most of my family of origin still lives. Moving here was THE best decision I could have made. It was also a huge culture shock for me. The LGBT community here is so much bigger than it was in Southern Pines. To me this is the BIG city and I love it! I found an AA group pretty quick. It is a gay/lesbian group. From there I found my friends and connections into the community.
In 2002 I met a woman who would later become my wife Kathy. We met in an AA meeting not the gay/lesbian meeting but an eatin meetin. We would go to K&W cafeteria after the meeting with a group of people from the meeting. It was a fun time that is for sure and some really good memories. Kathy had NO idea what she was getting into when she began dating me. In fact I am still amazed that she still married me. It must be LOVE.
Let me explain my above comment about Kathy not knowing what she was getting into with me. . I have many OCD {Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder} thoughts and behaviors that sometimes can become very stifling for me and those around me. My OCD is also the reason for this blog Jillsville. As my profile says many of my friends/family has said to me that you live in your own world which is true. In fact, more times than not.
One of my many OCD issues is HAIR. You know the ones that fall from your head or other body parts and land on the floor of your bathroom. UGH. Kathy always gives me {the look} you know the one…where the mouth is wrenched upward and the eyes are narrowed. Because I solve the HAIR problem by using the broom and dust pan combo that we keep in our bathroom. I sweep up the hair all the time. Whenever we have people over I try to make our bathroom off limits. But if someone does happen to use our toilet I clean it with the Clorox cleaner that we use. Then I change all the towels on the racks. Yes this is true it is what I do. But it works for me. Kathy has gotten use to it from me. She doesn’t say a word now. She just smiles and gives me {THE LOOK}.
Another one of my OCD issues are GERMS. If someone coughs or sneezes within ear shot of me I just cringe. Then I get {THE LOOK} from Kathy. It is hard during the cold season for me. My co workers are probably tired of me going around wiping down everything with my antiseptic rag.
Then of course there are the thoughts that I have that make perfect since to me but not to others. Hence Jillsville is born and full of humor and some thoughts and feelings that are mine alone that make perfect sense to me. .
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)